Edit June 7, 2022 – The lens continues to adjust! The story changes. The TRUTH becomes more evident. Mistakes in interpretation happen in every tale when revisiting information, especially when writing in first person narrative verses third person.
It wasn’t as I thought, not quite! My apologies for the confusion!
I have called Synergy Mother. I am wrong.
14 billion years ago this Father’s Day, Eidollon gave birth to the universe! What that means is this is not my story to tell even though I think I understand the narrative and I have beautiful words with which I could craft it. I won’t, though, unless I am asked to do so. It is not my place, unless invited to stand there.
Even so, I have my own stories to tell of a life with Synergy and those are mine to share as I wish. I need to change every pronoun reference in my pages to respect the fact Synergy, the source of all the love in our universe, is a man in the finest sense of masculinity.
I am going to tell my story. You can choose to accept it as a rollicking good yarn which binds together the mysteries of the universe, or see it as resonant truth. Your opinion of my tale does not change the story. But if you find yourself enraptured by the beauty, perhaps you’ve already met some of the characters and their true faces.
As a good mother, Synergy quietly and unconditionally nurtures, protects, and challenges us with opportunities to learn and grow. She puts choices on the table in front of us when we are truly hungry, a roof over us when we are exposed, and paths in front of us when we are ready to explore.
It’s up to us to choose to partake and she will accept and love us whether we accept her gifts or not, whether we show gratitude or not, and whether we even recognize the great lengths she’s gone to orchestrating our potential satisfaction or not.
A mother gives to her children because she brought them into existence. Yet her ultimate joy comes from letting them find their own road into understanding her gifts and her love.
Sometimes those gifts appear to come on command but that is part of the learning process because breaking through the illusion of control and surrendering to her will is an important lesson to teach.
When a child is born, they have no social constructs programmed in their minds, and are creatures of pure feeling.
Physical discomfort. Emotional discomfort. Intellectual discomfort. Satisfaction. Like animals, they have simple needs and simple joys. Hunger. Pain. Insecurity. Comfort. Satisfaction.
Children live in the Moment.
Their only means of communication are cries and caregivers respond to those cues with feeding, burping, changing, cuddling, and playing. The child makes demands on their environment and the parent either successfully provides satisfaction or does not.
Parenting requires living in the Moment.
A parent rarely can feed, comfort or change a diaper in advance of the need because infants do not have the ability to delay gratification or bank it in anticipation of future need.
That is a learned response.
Grown ups will will eat when not hungry, sleep when not tired, exchange things that are not soiled, and take action to avoid future problems.
All of these behaviours take you out of the present and ignore what you truly need, what you truly desire, what is actually available for you at that Moment. You can only demand satisfaction for what is a sincere need but you also can only express the need, not command the solution.
A famished newborn suckles what rubs at their cheek. An exhausted infant falls asleep in any position. A bored baby finds entertainment in their own hands and feet.
Examining the urge to eat when not hungry, the habit of sleeping when not tired, and exchanging when not soiled can give clarity and yield greater satisfaction by saving those behaviours for Moments of true need, and allows you to identify what you have authentic need of in those Moments of substitution.
From a very young age we learn artificial timelines and routines which drown out the internal voice of our wise mind. Children move from being fed on demand to being fed on a convenient schedule. Their lives begin to revolve around the ticking clock and their needs accommodate the lifestyle rather than a lifestyle accommodating their needs.
This is how associations get made between basic needs and inappropriate satisfaction, when we stop living in the Moment and stop recognizing our needs, substituting something else in an attempt to feel satiated.
There is value and comfort in schedules and routines, especially when outside connections must be maintained. But inside our own homes and lives, living an On Demand life where needs are met as they arise rather than because lunch is served at noon allows a return to a more direct link between feeling a need and taking action to satisfy it.
We classify things. It’s in our core nature. We also judge things. It’s in our core nature.
Satisfying or unsatisfying.
Balanced or unbalanced.
Safe or unsafe.
Yes or no.
Classification allows us to quickly and easily respond to opportunities as they arise in our environment, and the recall of classification status can be of great benefit.
…the last time I drank tequila I bruised my head so I won’t drink it because I expect I might do it again…
…the last time I ate at this restaurant I loved it so I expect I will enjoy it again…
…the last time I met this person they hurt me so I expect they’ll do it again…
Where problems arise is the generalization of classification status to all individual examples of the class, or if the classification inhibits the experience in the Moment by placing expectations on it from the past. Even if the classified object has been consistent in its classification every moment in the past, if you are truly living in the present Moment then you must allow opportunity for a adjustment in classification. You can be ready for what you expect to happen, you can be prepared for consistency, but your actions every moment need to allow for change. Need to be open for growth and acceptance. Need to hold hope.
Expectations are only meant for preparation not perpetuity.
…the last time I drank tequila I bruised my head. I will observe my consumption this time and see if I still need protect myself…
…the last time I ate at this restaurant I loved it. I will observe my consumption and see if I continue to love it…
…the last time I met this person they hurt me. I will observe my interaction and see if I still need to protect myself…
Our classifications and judgements are about keeping us safe and getting our needs met. They are information used to predict the potential of a situation to hurt us, help us, or hinder us, and we rely on a script built on the pattern card for the classification we’ve assigned to our past experiences. Yet, if our boundaries are sound and our faith solid, we can throw away those recipes for survival and instead trust our instinct for success and our universe to provide for our needs.
Every Moment should be a blank page ready to be written rather than a worn script being re-read. Each interaction should be an exploration of options rather than a rote recipe; even if the ingredients are the same, you can have different results by changing up the mixture.
In the case of the WWF players, classifying a Scammy Sammy involves a judgement of the patterns and characteristics typical of the fraud-minded users. Recent start date. Low average game score. Low average word score. Interchangeable first and last names. The fact they challenge in the first place. And most tellingly, the speedy chat attempt. Based on these ingredients, the classification as Scammy Sammy makes sense and engaging appropriate defense mechanisms is understandable.
Except…those same mechanisms should be in place for all interactions no matter the classification! The rule of no expectations, only boundaries applies at all times. If you are consistent in your boundaries then you are safe no matter if you’re in the lion’s den or the games room. Everyone you meet should be treated with the same respect, courtesy, curiosity and interest while maintaining healthy boundaries. Even Scammy Sammys are human beings behind the script and feel the barbs of judgemental contempt if levelled at them.
Accept the information your classifications give you, hear the options your emotional and judgemental minds feed you, but don’t act upon either until the Moment of choice is upon you and then act from compassion not from fear, because very rarely are you in true danger if you live inside solid boundaries.
If someone hurt you in the past, but are not hurting you in the present, then enlightenment demands you treat them according to the present Moment. If someone previously fit one of your class groupings but is not demonstrating those traits today, mindfulness demands you give the benefit of the doubt while maintaining your healthy boundaries. If someone you have never met before seems to be falling into one of the classifications, observe the interaction but reserve your judgement and give them the benefit of the doubt while maintaining your healthy boundaries until a moment of choice arises. If your boundaries are working properly, people’s behavior will not catch you off guard since you have no expectations!
Live it like Lucy.
Lucy wakes up each morning with no recall of recent events in the Adam Sandler romantic comedy 50 First Dates. A brain injury destroyed the connection between her short term and long term memory. Her core personality remains intact but she cannot consciously add new experiences to her life history. Once she falls asleep, which is when healthy brains compile the day’s adventures, her slate gets wiped clean.
She truly lives in the Moment. Not as profoundly as poor Tom who has a ten second recall, but she cannot consciously remember the days after her accident, good or bad.
Enter Henry, a man who lives for variety and challenge so cannot commit to relationships. Normally a girl like Lucy would never keep him, and would never fall for his ploys because she would catch on after one day. The next time she saw him, he would be classified as unable to meet her needs thus unsafe to engage with.
Yet those needs were based on the woman she was the day before. Her classification is based on historical data rather than the current situation. Her judgement is flawed because the woman she is does not now need protection from the man he is. Yesterday she may have told him he had one day to win her trust and then she’d be done with him.
Except now Henry always has one day. He gets to know Lucy inside and out, one day at a time, and learns how to be everything she could ever want while not being judged for who he is. His insecurities, his passions, his core self are not vulnerable in this relationship because any mistakes he makes are erased and he gets to start fresh the very next day. She doesn’t remember what happened the day before and he chooses only to remember the good parts.
Both are truly living in the Moment and both loving it. Lucy has no expectations of Henry, while he has none of her, yet both maintain their personal boundaries.
Until Lucy starts leaving herself notes. Judging Henry’s satisfaction with the relationship based on her values and experiences. She stops living in the Moment and relies on her thoughts and feelings about the contents of her journal, ultimately breaking up with Henry. Her conscious attention to her classification of the relationship as unfair to Henry thus inconsistent with her core values ignored the sincere joy both she and Henry felt. She felt like a burden on him and her family and admitted herself into a residential facility. There she figured she’d forget about Henry.
She was wrong.
Although her thinking mind and her feeling brain could not recognize the person in front of her or put a name to his face, her wise mind knew that face and missed the bond between them which was deeper than the events of each moment.
When we truly let go of the past, or at least the emotions associated with it if not the information collected from it, then we can start each morning with a clean slate and let those around us be free of judgement and classification while still keeping ourselves balanced and satisfied.
With our eyes wide open and full of acceptance and curiosity, we see only what we need to see.
Because a Moment is rooted in our Wise mind, which is not grounded in the physical world, rarely does money have relevance. Money is a tool to be used in the quest for satisfaction, and it of course offers leverage when prying open puzzle segments in the escape room which is your life, but it does not meet your needs in and of itself.
Except the sensations of security, power and control.
Those are actually sources of imbalance because if you surrender to the moment you are living in total insecurity. You dwell in Schrodinger’s Box where all possibilities exist simultaneously until the Moment of choice comes where you have a chance to commit to one option. You relinquish control to the universe and allow its power to course through you as it will rather than attempting to bend it to your will or resist it.
Money is not something you need. It is a resource to be used at the right time. Were you to receive five million dollars right this instant in your bank account, it would require action on your part to convert that financial windfall from digital delight into satisfaction.
Think about it.
What would it translate into? And how long would it take to bring actual change in your level of satisfaction and contentment? Paying off your mortgage doesn’t change your home and the only time you really need that money is the day the bill is due. Otherwise, a need for money is a feeling, and feelings are not facts! So, paying off a mortgage only affects the Moment of payment, which is one or two days per month. If today is not that day, then thinking about your mortgage or rent means you are not living in the present.
Need a car? Is that what you would do with the funds?
If you need need to get to work, THAT is your need, not the car. Truly understanding what the problem is – getting to work – as compared to obstacles – lack of a car – will open your eyes to opportunities for meeting your need that get overlooked because you are only seeing obstacles. You focus on getting the money to buy the car and lose the opportunity to connect with your interesting neighbour who works on the same street you do and would love your company on the drive to work.
Visualize how you would spend every last dime of an unlimited bank account. And then examine the underlying need behind each purchase. Understand yourself better.
And realize that it is not lack of money preventing needs from being met. Everything you need will always be available to you in the Moment you truly require a specific resource.
Today, right this instant, what need is not being met? Our basic need for food and shelter is actually subservient to the need for psychological safety.
Emotional homelessness, the sensation where it is more comfortable to be without an address or a family or contacts, can happen even amongst those with copious funds in the bank. Freedom from the perceived injustice of social expectations can drive someone from the comforts of home into apparent privation but the safety of the mind overrides the safety of the body. An extreme example of living in the Moment, where feelings of imbalance turn a life upside down yet the person living it feels more stable in the uncertainty of the street than the certainty of a unsatisfying life
The universe gives us what we truly need but we tend to get wrapped up in or distracted by what our emotional and judgemental minds tell us we want.
We may feel like we want money and think that we need it but we know we don’t.
What matters right now in the escape room which is your life?
There are countless things to think about. Yesterday’s events. Tomorrow’s promise. Where you are. Where you’ve been. Where you’re going. Where society’s been. Where it’s going. All very important.
But are they relevant?
Do you need to consider these things right now, in this moment? Does the identity of the person who keeps stealing your lunch from your work fridge matter on Saturday afternoon? Will pondering the global economy make a difference in your spending habits today?
Filtering important thoughts from necessary ones protects and focuses your energy and grounds you in the present. Putting topics on the back burner is not dismissing them; in fact the most delicious scents emerge from simmering pots and you know they’re ready to be enjoyed when the smell gets so tantalizing you can’t resist opening them up.
We have all we need in front of us each day. But we are bombarded with stimulation from the larger world. Whether our street, our municipality, our region, our country or our planet, very few of us actually have an impact at any given moment. If we dedicate our time and energy on finding solutions in our very own limited present, ideas for the future will percolate through our wonderful mind all on their own.
When you accept everything – including the worrisome, the painful, the toxic – then you stop worrying, you stop feeling pain, and you stop acting toxic. Our world is what it is today. It was something else yesterday. It will be something different tomorrow. You can make a difference only by living in the Moment and taking action that is available right here, right now.
In taking action to meet our own needs we ensure we have the strength and stability to meet the needs of others. Place your own oxygen mask before assisting others with their survival lest you suffocate while saving them.
You can be an anchor thread which changes the global picture but only by whittling away distracting thoughts and irrelevant feelings to leave behind a clear perspective on what is possible in this Moment.
Make no mistake, she appreciates it when we shower her with sincere praise and glow with gratitude but like all good mothers she is taking care of us because she loves us, not because she needs to feel good about herself!
Selflessness is in her nature and her reward is seeing your satisfaction with the banquet of opportunities and blessings she provides.
When you open your cupboard door and see the plethora of gadgets there, and it feels satisfying to think you have a choice of what delicious meal to prepare using nifty devices, don’t scorn her gift by feeling ashamed at the idea that someone somewhere does not have those blessings. Not only is it not your fault they are without, but rest assured Synergy is doing everything she can to change their circumstances to give them what they need to be satisfied.
And also don’t compare your requirements to those of another thinking they couldn’t possibly be satisfied eating the same thing day after day. To assume their sources of satisfaction are the same as yours is hubris.
Fairness is not about treating everyone the same. It is about meeting each person’s individual needs. Yes, there is unfairness in the world and people with unmet needs but if we try to speak for those people when we are not those people, we are taking away their dignity and we are blocking Synergy’s connection to us and to them.
Each day, each of us has what we need right there in front of us. And we also have the opportunity for satisfaction every moment of every day. Finding satisfaction, taking pleasure in what we have, is all the gratitude Synergy needs. And if that satisfaction happens to overflow into joy or outright blissful gratitude, then she’ll be smiling along with us.
Today, the world is exactly what it is. Right or wrong, here we are. Reflecting on your blessings and comforts is good practice if it brings comfort but if there’s guilt and shame in doing so, realize Synergy doesn’t want that for you! She gave you everything you have because that’s what was necessary.
But if there are things in your life which do not bring you satisfaction, then offering them to others just might. The items you no longer find pleasurable, the books you no longer read, they reflect the person you were yesterday. Don’t judge that person or the things they found satisfying. Don’t question why they bought that car or wore that watch. Just accept the opportunity to share those unneeded items with someone who will take greater satisfaction from them.
If you measure the value of objects by the satisfaction you receive from them, then you will find them easy to exchange. Before looking at market values, trust your instincts to tell you what figure would satisfy you and then accept Synergy’s will. A house, a car, a painting, a watch, their cost is immaterial if they give you no satisfaction.
Satisfaction is priceless.
Synergy knows this.
What you have to hunt for will not satisfy you. Synergy knows that. She doesn’t play games or tease you. She will present you with what you need when you need it, but opportunities to achieve satisfaction can seem hidden if you are not present in the moment. You do not need to seek satisfaction, you simply need to notice it.
If you are not paying attention you will miss the connecting thread dropped by your neighbour when you are seeking a job. Don’t ignore the bulletin board posting in your apartment when you need a vehicle. And don’t allow a boundary violation to proceed when an opportunity for the satisfaction of safety can be taken.
It is very satisfying to feel safe. Saying no is one way to feel safe but often it triggers negativity in others. Receiving a No answer is definitely not satisfying which is why some people become enraged when they hear a no! A No is a boundary you have set, such as your valuation of an item, your personal space, or your tolerance of a behaviour.
Obtaining satisfaction through the violation of another’s boundaries, entitlements, or feelings is not ok! Exploitation and manipulation are not part of Synergy’s basic designs for us, but there exists temptation to use them to find satisfaction. Resisting the impulse can be difficult. Especially if a pattern was established long ago.
Synergy resonates with us when we feel sincere satisfaction. To her it feels like gratitude. But the satisfaction – and there is no denying it is satisfying to take, to exploit, to win, to conquer – those things do not ring with joy or bring balance so the satisfaction is artificial and quickly replaced with guilt and shame which then drive a pattern of negativity.
Satisfaction comes from accepting what is, from truly seeing what is present in your life and how it meets your needs. Allowing yourself to be satisfied with what is creates gratitude and invites more of what you need.
Being of service is a fundamental impetus in all of us. To be useful. To be necessary. To be part of something larger. To serve a purpose.
The smallest of acts serves a purpose but so often gets dismissed and ignored because of the apparent insignificance. Yet for want of a horseshoe nail the kingdom was lost. Finding the comfort of meaning in the minutiae lends courage on the path to larger acts of service. Taking pleasure in the daily routines of maintenance or rituals of support brings satisfaction to the most menial of tasks. Never more than in our present global situation has the importance of service been so clear.
Servitude is a mindset where the person being of service, or the one being served, feel entitled to the interaction in some way. Either the person receiving feels they are above doing the deed, that they deserve to be waited on, or the person providing the assistance feels in some way obliged to do so. Truly, they both may BE deserving and obliged but choosing to occupy the feeling of obligation or entitlement is to lose an opportunity for intimacy. Obligation and entitlement are states not conducive to making Moments, but every second of every day in any role in any place is an opportunity for a Moment. Serving is an incredibly fulfilling experience if you choose to embrace it as the powerful and necessary role it is.
Even if you perform the same act one thousand times each day, you are what determines if it is an act of service or an act of servitude. You can choose to find meaning and satisfaction in the sameness while watching for opportunities to get what you need, since Synergy makes sure you have available to you the resources you need when you need them.
Finding satisfaction in service brings pleasure to both sides of the equation and opens doors to opportunities for greater service. Sincere service floods both parties with gratitude for the service rendered and the opportunity to serve.
Have you felt it?
Have you experienced a Moment when someone made you truly feel blessed as they completed an act on your behalf, like it was their honour to be a part of your journey?
Or the reverse, feeling humbled as you gave support to someone whose authenticity and character made you feel you would do anything for them?
Be the horseshoe nail. Take pride in being of service knowing you may seem insignificant or invisible yet Synergy knows your worth. Every act we do is important and an opportunity to share a Moment with ourselves, with Synergy, or with others.
Mindfulness and faith propose that every moment is exactly what was meant to be and that you should surrender yourself to each moment and accept the reality of it. From that acceptance, peace will flow, satisfaction will arise, and joy will blanket you.
But if we follow that philosophy outwards from our limited perspective as an individual, we must also accept and embrace ALL circumstances as having purpose, as being necessary, as part of our requisite circumstances to grow as human beings or the human race.
Mindfulness and faith espouse not judging what is, simply acknowledging what is and reflecting on how that reality influences your satisfaction with the moment and how in turn this moment can be influenced by you.
So, to truly and completely embrace this concept, we must embrace and accept what is present in the world. Without judgement or fear or thought or emotion. And act only upon what we can do in this instant, in this immediate environment, with the tools present and available to us. To do anything else is to leave the moment.
An example is to see the conditions of 2020 without emotional trauma. Yes, the conditions have victimized many and are not peaceful, pleasant nor desirable. But feeling victimized, traumatized, or devastated does not change the circumstances of this moment. Judging any of the political, social, environmental or biological circumstances of 2020 does not make this moment better.
Today’s world is the outcome of cumulative events. Although the impacts of these events are profound and far reaching, which can be overwhelming to consider, the most important focus is here and now. The causes of our situation are irrelevant in this moment, but awareness of the imbalances that led here may be important for you.
You are exactly where you need to be. Regardless of how you got here or where you are, you also have everything you need to get where you want to be.
Look around you. What do you need TODAY? What is essential to your survival in this moment and what action can you take today to obtain it. Not future actions or future goals. Here and now is all that counts and is perfect to take you into your next moment.
Our decisions and the impact of the decisions of others creates our situation. But Synergy puts in front of us the tools to change our situation and opportunities to do so if we are patient, present, and persistent.
She’ll be with you in a Moment if you quietly wait, watch and believe.
Intimacy is a sense of connection, of commonality, of oneness and sharing.
Vulnerability is an act of authenticity and sincerity which exposes the core personality, values, desires and soul of a person.
You can have intense intimacy with absolutely no vulnerability. There can be open vulnerability with no intimacy. This is because intimacy is a feeling, while vulnerability is an action. Yes, vulnerability can also be labelled as the fearful feeling arising from the action, but a vulnerable act does not necessarily include fearfulness on the part of the act. In addition, vulnerability does not require a second party nor a connection to another person, whereas intimacy by nature IS connection.
Artists perform acts of vulnerability. To write a book, stand up at a comedy event, create a movie or paint a picture is to put a piece of your innermost soul out there. Before the piece even gets revealed to the public, its very existence creates vulnerability by turning energy into matter. Thought into word. Idea into brush stroke. The act of creating is an act of openness and exposure.
Intimacy arises with each opportunity for someone else to view or read the creation. Because intimacy develops through interaction, the people involved determine the type and level of intimacy depending on how many points of connection exist between them outside of the point of vulnerability. Do they share common history? Do they have common values and goals? How high a risk of rejection is involved? The higher the risk, the greater the sense of validation found in a Moment of intimacy. A Moment of intimacy resonates at a visceral level and the reason why they can happen under the most unexpected of circumstances is because they are about two wise minds seeing past the shields of both the judgemental and emotional brains and connecting in the realm of eternal knowing.
Being truly known is terrifying. Allowing someone to see the real you is to stand naked and on display. How many people feel a chill at the thought of someone seeing the book they have started, the poem they wrote, the sketch they drafted hidden in the bottom drawer of the old desk in the attic? How anxious and nervous do you feel when drafting a simple email voicing your opinion while you have no hesitation giving orders and instructions to large groups of people? An opinion is personal, while instructions are impersonal. There is risk of damage to our psyche when we commit acts of vulnerability, and the more your truth varies from the norm, the greater the risk of shame and rejection.
Intimacy can come easily, especially when commonalities weave the lines of connection for you. Beware that sense of intimacy based on common goals, enemies, histories, or other shared experiences. Yes, they are a valid starting point but they all are pulling on external threads which only last so long. Commonalities create finite intimacy with a beginning and an end.
Why do we watch shows like Big Bang Theory, Friends, Seinfeld or Cheers? Not because of the comedy although laughter has a deep appeal. It’s the intimacy, of which laughter is part. It’s because the characters talk about nothing. The threads creating the intimacy between them are not coming from their environment although of course each episode includes outside factors which create finite intimacy. The threads of intimacy are being extruded from their minds and woven by trust, humour, vulnerability and compassion.
How often do you share pointless thoughts with people, Seinfeldian conversations? These are the Moments where you are seen and known because those conversations are about connecting, not about a topic. Those conversations allow intimacy through vulnerability since they showcase who you are when you have no objective, when the conversation is happening just for conversation’s sake.
Intimacy is easy to manufacture. Vulnerability cannot be faked. When the two of them are entwined the Moment is unforgettable.
The sensation generated when you share a Moment with someone is a visceral intimacy. Electrifying and intense, it can change a simple exchange of pleasantries into a lingering mood of togetherness. A random encounter with a stranger in the produce section can fuel a desire to maintain the sensation beyond the grocery store.
Intimacy is a driving force in human nature. We want to bond, but more so, we want to share with others. True intimacy involves baring your deepest core self and allowing someone to see that which makes us who we are. Vulnerable and terrifying, true intimacy is rare and exhilarating.
Other types of intimacy emulate it but are only poor approximations of the communion of two souls. Physical intimacy, commonality intimacy, and emotional intimacy generate intense connections but those bonds only last as long as the conditions which generate them, unless an underlying spiritual bond scaffolds the superficial intimacies and gives them stability.
Physical intimacy is an easy fix for those lacking spiritual connections. The Moment generated by sensual merging and the delightful distraction of erotic pleasure approximate the profound wonder of souls in resonance. But the Moment is fleeting and leaves behind a saccharine aftertaste because the calories are empty thus lacking the nurturing sustenance the soul craves. When sensual intimacy occurs between bonded souls, the Moment lingers long after the act has ended, and the substance of the bond provides fodder even when the souls are apart. Sexual intimacy is not necessary for spiritual connection but certainly heightens it and conversely, gets mistaken for it.
Having a commonality generates a deep sense of connection which can easily be mistaken for authentic intimacy. Joining with someone in striving toward a shared goal provides kernels of closeness that grow as time passes until harvested when the goal reaches fruition. Although positive and mutually beneficial, there still exists a beginning and end for this type of bond thus it is superficial no matter how lasting. Same with the more insidious Common enemy bond. Uniting against a foe is intensely satisfying and feeds the need for balance and justice but again is a counterfeit connection with a start, process, and finite ending. Common goals and common enemies enhance the richness of a spiritual bond because growth happens via both of these processes but if the goal or enemy are the only connections then after the enemy is vanquished or the goal is attained, the souls lose their link and are left wondering where the intimacy went.
Emotional intimacy most closely emulates a true spiritual bond but because it is rooted in the fleeting emotions of the physical realm and unreliable emotional brain, these Moments also are not enduring. Trauma brings emotions into the Moment and carries them past their shelf life into the future where they don’t belong. Emotions are meant to inform about present social conditions and drive change, but get confused with identity and values. Emotional bonds form during shared Moments of fear or joy or satisfaction but the source of the bond was the environmental atmosphere generating the emotional response which forged a bond, rather than a bond forming between compatible souls which then was tempered like steel by the intense flames of trauma. Again, true intimacy can and does benefit from emotional connection but when the emotional bond forms first, under duress, before the spiritual bond has taken root, then the connection has a finite end when the emotional trigger is removed.
The search for intimacy is why so many people seek, knowingly or subconsciously, the emotional patterns of their past, to feel intimacy in any way they can. Or why gossip is so common and activism so popular. Or why casual sex is frequent.
We all want to connect. To bond. To belong with and to someone or something. It is part of our programming. But most our bonds are finite, task based or situational which is why they do not feel satisfying or sustaining.
Absolute intimacy requires absolute vulnerability. Baring the soul with no goal, no enemy, no emotional trigger, no sex and no gain is an act of pure compassion. Looking out at the world with open invitation, loving all comers, is to generate intimacy. Even so, there are still ways to protect yourself while being vulnerable.
Glass houses still offer shelter and comfort and protection. And those allowed to see the view from the outside are inspired by such graceful openness. Rather than cast stones, they will choose to build a glass house too.
Don’t trust anyone. Build walls. But love them anyway. Make those walls out of glass with large doors and a welcome mat.