The Negonavirus

Class: Negativity Infection

Treatment: Hopium, mindfulness, meditation, satisfaction, authenticity

Prognosis: dependent on the length of exposure, degree of systemic infiltration, amount of individual resistance and content of support arsenal. All victims of Negonavirus have the right and the desire for treatment but many are unaware they even carry the infection. Children under age 8 are entirely naturally immune but become increasingly susceptible to infection as they mature and by age 17 often are fully compromised by Negonavirus effects.

Symptoms: vary dependent upon individual and situational characteristics. May include but are not limited to behaviours of manipulation and control, gaslighting, condescension, arrogance, chronic victimhood, passive aggression, outright aggression, impulsivity, substance abuse, self harm, emotional abuse, and many other toxic patterns of interaction. Clusters of symptoms can sometimes be given a name for ease of diagnosis, such as narcissist, anti-social personality, borderline personality, or Karen, but even individual symptoms are indicative of mild infection and should receive treatment.

Diagnosis: based on behaviours of sufferers but also the impact of those behaviours on those around the victim of Negonavirus. It is invisible to the naked eye but can be felt by the mood in a room when a sufferer enters, and from tone and subtext in communication. Non verbal signs are often present.

Innoculation: infection can be prevented using the treatment methodology, but also through early intervention with children so they develop immunity prior to adulthood.

Highly contagious and can be passed through both direct personal contact and indirect interactions such as emails, texts, and one sided communication such as blogs. It is energy-born thus all human interactions potentially can facilitate transmission.

Stay tuned for further expansion on the signs, symptoms, therapeutic interventions and other details surrounding the Negonavirus pandemic which has gripped the world for more than 40 years.

With or For?

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…

We have celebrations all the time. Birthdays, special events, parenthood. But when do we learn to distinguish between celebrating with someone and celebrating for someone?

To illustrate with an example at an early age, let’s take a birthday party. The poster child celebratory event! If all the children in attendance bring gifts, they are celebrating for the child. If all the children split a birthday cake, they are celebrating with the child. And when they take home a loot bag they are again celebrating a special event with the youngster.

From these seemingly innocuous early occasions, we teach children the sensation of being happy for someone and showing your joy by bestowing a thoughtful gift on them…hopefully without the expectation of something in return although it is well known that birthday parties are expected to provide attendees with compensation in the form of fun and goodies.

And so from that early age we teach our children that they are entitled to a measure of someone else’s joy. That they can expect a share of someone else’s bounty. We teach them not to celebrate FOR someone, we train them to expect to celebrate WITH others.

Expand that to participation ribbons and various other ways to ensure children ‘don’t feel left out.’ The thought is noble, but the message is that we don’t celebrate the successes of others if it hurts our feelings to do so. We train our children instead to expect the winners to tone down or divide their glory because the non-winners are unable to celebrate FOR their win thus must be given the rewards too, celebrating WITH the winner.

Take this into adulthood and you have envy and entitlement. Children who attended birthday parties for the loot and the entertainment rather than the excitement of watching a friend open the gift they carefully selected turn into adults who manipulate others in order to gain a share of the target’s time, energy, resources, or material goods. Children who got participation ribbons watch in petulant resentment as the first place ribbon of a promotion goes to the winner but there is no distribution of the pay raise amongst the other participating applicants.

Sharing our joys is a natural part of our programming and celebrating with others gives us a sense of connection and validation.

But how much of the meaning in celebrating for someone gets lost in the emphasis of putting on a real show for the guests compared to reinforcing the connections between those guests and the celebrant?

We could claim that we are showing compassion toward the non-celebrants when we give them loot bags and pony rides and bouncy castles. But in reality, we miss the chance for them to feel compassion for the birthday child! That sense of connection, or sharing emotions, goes both ways; compassion isn’t just about understanding when someone is struggling and passively giving them space in your psyche to ease their suffering. Compassion is also about sharing the exquisite pleasures of joyful success and admiration.

When someone wins a race, a graceful loser doesn’t need a participation ribbon, they need to have compassionate connection with the winner to feel respect for a good game. This concept gets often lip service in sports and disservice in the other aspects of our lives, where losing isn’t learning, it’s burning. The winning team ideally celebrates with each other while the losing team celebrates for the winners.

Celebrating for someone allows them to own their special occasion and feel the elation of being celebrated. Celebrating with someone divides those feelings amongst all participants and knowing which is appropriate is a matter of maturity and discernment. Yet, subconsciously the birthday child often feels the unfairness of how their party winds up being about the guests, not about them.

On Demand

Order Up

As a good mother, Synergy quietly and unconditionally nurtures, protects, and challenges us with opportunities to learn and grow. She puts choices on the table in front of us when we are truly hungry, a roof over us when we are exposed, and paths in front of us when we are ready to explore.

It’s up to us to choose to partake and she will accept and love us whether we accept her gifts or not, whether we show gratitude or not, and whether we even recognize the great lengths she’s gone to orchestrating our potential satisfaction or not.

A mother gives to her children because she brought them into existence. Yet her ultimate joy comes from letting them find their own road into understanding her gifts and her love.

Sometimes those gifts appear to come on command but that is part of the learning process because breaking through the illusion of control and surrendering to her will is an important lesson to teach.

When a child is born, they have no social constructs programmed in their minds, and are creatures of pure feeling.

Physical discomfort. Emotional discomfort. Intellectual discomfort. Satisfaction. Like animals, they have simple needs and simple joys. Hunger. Pain. Insecurity. Comfort. Satisfaction.

Children live in the Moment.

Their only means of communication are cries and caregivers respond to those cues with feeding, burping, changing, cuddling, and playing. The child makes demands on their environment and the parent either successfully provides satisfaction or does not.

Parenting requires living in the Moment.

A parent rarely can feed, comfort or change a diaper in advance of the need because infants do not have the ability to delay gratification or bank it in anticipation of future need.

That is a learned response.

Grown ups will will eat when not hungry, sleep when not tired, exchange things that are not soiled, and take action to avoid future problems.

All of these behaviours take you out of the present and ignore what you truly need, what you truly desire, what is actually available for you at that Moment. You can only demand satisfaction for what is a sincere need but you also can only express the need, not command the solution.

A famished newborn suckles what rubs at their cheek. An exhausted infant falls asleep in any position. A bored baby finds entertainment in their own hands and feet.

Examining the urge to eat when not hungry, the habit of sleeping when not tired, and exchanging when not soiled can give clarity and yield greater satisfaction by saving those behaviours for Moments of true need, and allows you to identify what you have authentic need of in those Moments of substitution.

From a very young age we learn artificial timelines and routines which drown out the internal voice of our wise mind. Children move from being fed on demand to being fed on a convenient schedule. Their lives begin to revolve around the ticking clock and their needs accommodate the lifestyle rather than a lifestyle accommodating their needs.

This is how associations get made between basic needs and inappropriate satisfaction, when we stop living in the Moment and stop recognizing our needs, substituting something else in an attempt to feel satiated.

There is value and comfort in schedules and routines, especially when outside connections must be maintained. But inside our own homes and lives, living an On Demand life where needs are met as they arise rather than because lunch is served at noon allows a return to a more direct link between feeling a need and taking action to satisfy it.

Children, Chores, and Choices

Our children are temporary passengers on a train they never chose to board. We bring them onto our life journey, intentionally or without thought, but our destination and even our route is not by their design.

How we treat these involuntary riders determines the way their own lives unfold once they disembark from our carriage. If they even do! And if we derail while they’re still aboard, the fright of that experience can inhibit their delight in laying their own tracks.

In reality, when we purchase a ticket for a destination, do we expect to be put to work aboard the machine? If we are offered free passage, no strings attached, do we feel misled or exploited when once en route we are given no choice but to shovel coal into the boiler to keep the engine chugging? A mutiny would quickly arise were passengers turned unwillingly into crew.

Yet many parents do not hesitate to put their children to work keeping the family train operational. Chores are encouraged and applauded by almost all. So why do so many children resist their responsibilities, challenge their chores and undermine the expectations put upon them?

Choice. Free will. Fairness. Hypocrisy.

Children are not slave labour nor serfs. Regardless of how convenient their presence and how accessible their hours, to demand unnecessary contributions and unwilling labour is to invite mutiny no different than how passengers with tickets would resist serving in the dining car. A treasured guest is not ordered to work for their keep yet children get the mixed message they are loved but must earn their place in their home.

Were the train in real trouble, and the passengers given the opportunity to understand the situation and to volunteer to assist, many would go above and beyond. Knowing their own skills and abilities, the riders would offer what they could and do their utmost to help. Especially if they have seen the crew in action so truly appreciate the effort that goes into running the system.

We bring children into this world without their consent. To make them pay fare for riding with us is unfair. To force expectations and responsibilities on them when it is arbitrary or contrived is to leave them feeling used and exploited. They learn that love requires involuntary sacrifice and family feels like work. That home is where the servants are.

To invite them to labour beside us when we need their help, coming from a place of vulnerability and sincere need, is to show them how to step up when really needed. Or to ask them what they are interested in joining us with, to create bonding through shared labours, is to teach them the profound intimacy of common goals and experiences.

Leave the curriculum and artificial expectations in the classroom and make home a safe place to grow, free of exploitation, servitude or hypocrisy. They will offer help when they are ready, and learn when there are Moments to do so. As passengers on our train, they may want to explore it with us but sometimes they are simply along for the ride and won’t come to life until they start their own journey and that is just fine. But the more we enjoy our own ride, the more inspiring our pleasure, the greater the chance they will want to see what excites us.