Trojan Horses and Gordian Knots

No strings attached?

Look that gift horse in the mouth and examine every strand of hair in its mane and tail looking for threads which may inextricably bind you before accepting unsolicited gifts. Or unsolicited acts of service, for that matter.

Generosity is an aspect of sincere compassion but like all behaviours can be used for control. Extricating yourself from negative billing on an uninvited gift or service can be incredibly tricky. Have you ever sat on the phone navigating the layers of red tape required to cancel that free trial you signed up for on a whim…and you knew what you were getting into there!

Providing unexpected gifts or services is a common behaviour in those struggling to reach emotional stability. It is a way to secure connection without a risk of personal rejection – our society tells us it is churlish to turn away someone bearing gifts or who does nice things for us…until the moment where the words ” After all I’ve done for you…” come to haunt you.

There is no shame or dysfunction in choosing to involve yourself with someone who engages in dysfunctional behaviour if you do so with conscious compassion and joyful intent. Just like accepting an offer of a free trial book of the month club gives you a chance to see if you like what you get, if it meets your needs.

A gift horse does have value even if long in the tooth. A Trojan army can only overrun your boundaries if you are unprepared or weakened. Every interaction, unsolicited or not, with another human being is a bid for contact, an attempt to get a need met, an effort to find stability. Greeted with receptive curiosity, these threads of connection can weave beautiful patterns not possible without the tension created by the variance in personalities.

Understanding yourself and your needs and motivations will allow you to examine the details of Trojan horses to determine if acceptance is worth the cost. Awareness of your strengths and defenses will provide you with certainty as you decide to allow entry or reject the offering presented to you.

Knowledge of the patterns and personality of the gift giver will inform your decision; don’t trust anyone but love them anyway by having hopeful assumptions. Trust Synergy to keep you satisfied and in balance as you endeavor to meet your needs while being of service to others.

Even if they seem to be trying to pay you in advance.

That behaviour, being generous, is sincere, as is the motive, getting needs met. What makes the interaction insincere and thus unsatisfying is the lack of clear expectations. Perhaps because of a history of rejection and manipulation, they feel they must use passive means to meet their needs. Maybe they’ve experienced helplessness or hopelessness and are attempting to cultivate relationships in advance so when they need support they already have a line of credit with you.

With all unsolicited bids for contact, especially those involving gifts or acts of service, you are able to make an intentional and deliberate choice to accept the gift and its possible knot of hidden obligations, or choose to block access to your energy by turning the gift away at the door. Feel no shame or guilt in saying no because your boundaries still apply even in the face of apparent acts of generosity. Since Synergy gifts us with what we need each day, we are programmed to receive and resistance goes against our very nature!

You will feel the Moment a truly compassionate gift or act is bestowed upon you, and anything less than that sensation will have some degree of transaction involved, some measure of score keeping. When in the Presence of sincere compassion, the taste of satisfaction and gratitude will be unmistakable and you will feel compelled to accept out of sheer joy.

Behaviour Blame Shifting

An exit strategy

Receiving a no, with or without explanation, can lead to a battle of wills as the person seeking to meet a need attempts to obtain it from someone who is not offering to do so.

Leave judgement behind and forget about wrong and right. In the Moment, there is no such thing. There is only need and satisfaction. This is how the defense of temporary insanity arises, when the emotional monster overwhelms a wise mind for a moment and seizes control attempting to overcome an obstacle in the way of an unmet need. Needs are valid, but forcing someone to meet them against their will is not.

When you remove the lense of judgement from evaluating behaviour, and accept that unmet needs are the driving force regardless of your personal opinion on the veracity of the need, then you will be better able resist attempts to dominate your will since emotionality and judgement are not part of the operations of a wise mind.

But resistance is necessary when your boundaries are at stake, and understanding your needs and boundaries gives stability to your defenses.

Some people will try to smash those walls, breaking themselves in the process. They may go to great lengths, driven by uncontrolled thoughts and emotions, to bend you to their objective. They may become someone they don’t even recognize in their efforts to make you into what they need.

And then they’ll blame you.

Upon reflection, in a convoluted way it is your fault. You did not follow the script in their head and they responded to your failure to meet their need. Your boundaries drove them to greater heights attempting to scale them. If you hadn’t been so strong in the face of their desperate need, they would never have gone to such lengths to win you.

Understanding this rationale will allow you to recognize how and why blame shifting happens thus letting you accept it without defending yourself, justifying your boundaries, or arguing how you actually did nothing wrong!

What you did was watch as a scaffold was constructed right outside your door. You listened as the rope was strung. And you waited as they mounted the blocks telling you you’d put the hangman’s noose outside your boundaries. Telling you if you don’t let them in they are going to die. Telling you they are in distress and only you can fix it. You didn’t stop them from building their own downfall. Because you held your boundaries, you were to blame for letting them hang themselves. Using Fear, Obligation, Guilt, and shame they shroud the scaffold in a FOG smokescreen and convince you it doesn’t exist and your walls are to blame for their distress.

We are not truly responsible for the actions, thoughts or feelings of another and our own past emotions have no relevance to the presence. We are not obliged to stop them burning their own bridges or jumping under busses. We do not need to surrender to their needs any more than they are required to meet our expectations.

Back to our WWF friends. They have a need. It is to earn money. They are exploiting an opportunity to connect with potentially vulnerable targets, in an effort to redistribute wealth. The need is real but the ends do not justify the means. In fact, were these Scammy Sammys given the opportunity to put their energy toward a legitimate enterprise, their obvious wits and flexibility would make them incredibly successful. Leaving judgement aside and meeting them with curiosity, you develop compassion for the situation they are in while also recognizing it is not ok to take advantage of people.

And they are aware. They know exactly what they are doing and take pride in a job well done until they feel judged or ashamed. Although we often hide the truth from ourselves, we all know what we are doing. We all make choices. We all have moments of clarity where we sit inside our wise mind and hate what our monsters have made us do. Then we either embrace change…

Or we shift that hate onto the person who made us look in the mirror.

“Look what you made me do.”

Data Mining

Tell me about yourself…

Curiosity is a natural and wonderful sensation. It drives toddlers to ask why and impels much of our daily lives. Those who aren’t feeling satisfied with their situation often are failing to engage their sense of wonder and intrigue. Discoveries are made and inventions generated by the engine of inquiry.

Even commonplace items and experiences can become delightful explorations if you remove the filter of complacency and look through an intentional lens of curiosity. Asking questions polishes away dusty assumptions and any buildup of judgements. Old becomes new when you are present in the Moment using wise eyes to see.

Data mining is an extension of curiosity. Information is power and fuels the momentum toward satisfaction. Sincere questions and interest open opportunities for service by identifying needs and interests. Every single interaction has a purpose for the participants and to dismiss the gift is to ignore the chance for satisfaction for both parties.

Data mining itself is a natural impulse and when performed with pure intentions leads to fulfillment. Questions coming from innocence and authentic interest leave both parties feeling satisfied. But probing queries driven by ulterior motives, even unconscious ones, feel uncomfortable and distasteful.

People can use data mining in insidious ways and if you have been exploited by those who gain power and control through weilding information against you, you develop an aversion to sharing. If as a child you were compelled to give control to a data mining parent, you may fall on the other end of the spectrum and find yourself oversharing.

Back to the scripts used by Sammy Scammys on WWF, where data mining not only fosters a sense of intimacy but verifies the traits of a vulnerable target. Seemingly benign chitchat has a sinister edge because the ultimate goal is bilking the victim of funds. The fact you play the game implies you may be lonely or bored. Alert predators will watch your play habits since your speedy response to a move implies you have time on your hands. If you claim to have a spouse and family yet are a frequent visitor you may have family conflict you are seeking to escape.

If you respond to flattery you may be vulnerable to exploitation. Using your name also creates intimacy because it feels like they are paying attention to your little details.

Depending on your time zone, if you are mostly active during your evening you may be susceptible and also likely employed. Asking where you live narrows this down. A strange question that often comes up with Sammy Scammys is where are you originally from. This likely arises from the idea that people emigrated to North America, and is a key indicator that it is Sammy on the other end since those born in North America don’t tend to ask where someone is originally from, they ask where you grew up.

A frequent question is about your work, couched in various ways, but the motive is to see if you earn money while again testing your boundaries. If you overshare because they overshared, you are a more likely prospect. The more information you give, the more avenues they can travel down trying to drive you toward emotional entanglement and financial exploitation.

The script of a data miner is similar whether they are benevolent, benign, or malignant. Like passive behaviour, asking questions is not toxic in and of itself and indeed is the hallmark of an open, curious, and enlightened mind. When you live in the Moment everything and everyone around is fascinating and delightful. It is the underlying motives behind the investigation which trigger your sense of discomfort or connection.

Awareness of the scripts and your unconscious vulnerability to probing will allow you to intentionally respond to questions and avoid intrusive data mining both online and in real life. Standing around the water cooler, data can be the currency and your life events the game pieces laid out, so recognizing a harvest for what it is protects you from the imbalance of a violation. If you don’t mind being the one people talk about, you can make the conscious decision to share instead of feeling betrayed by unintentionally feeding a data miner’s curiosity, mistaking it for interest in who you are.

Each of us is interesting and worthy. Data mining is how we build connections and intimacy between each other but opens the doors to misuse if we don’t recognize the patterns.

No Explanation Required

Stop justifying boundaries!

Sorry, I am washing my hair so can’t talk to you.

Our instinct when we say no, when we assert a boundary, is to give our reasons. This drive is so deeply ingrained that we will lie when we say no just to avoid judgement of our real reason for refusing something or someone. We feel the need to provide an excuse, information meant to ease their pain.

Rarely does it do that.

But worse, information is power. Power is control. Control is an opportunity for imbalance through judgement, exploitation and manipulation.

Our healthy boundaries are valid for us. And when we say no, our reasons are our own. To tell them to others is to hand them power over our boundary and invite them to debate our internal limits.

Synergy provides no explanation when she denies us what we think we want. She does not justify, argue or defend. She offers what she can, and it is not our place to question her. Since we know she won’t answer, we may try to fathom her reasons but we don’t attempt to change her mind.

Unlike our fellow humans.

We regularly engage in campaigns to get our way. Overt intimidation, covert manipulation, wheedling, cajoling, and bribing are all efforts to turn a no to a yes. And the more information we are armed with, the more effective our battle strategies. Admittedly it is satisfying to get our way and not taking no for an answer does have its place.

So long as that place does not steamroll the rights of another and violate their fair and reasonable boundaries. A no may feel unfair and unreasonable to us, and at times it is, given that inappropriate and unhealthy boundaries also involve the word no! Someone exploiting you is going to emphatically tell YOU no when you tell them to stop violating you!

If you are moving toward sincere joy and satisfaction, then examining a no with curiosity and openness should reveal Synergy’s reasons for the obstacle. Asking questions is part of the journey, as is accepting the answers.

When you assert a boundary and say no, you do not need to volunteer your rationale. You do not need to give the other person control of your boundary. Your sense of security is not up for debate.

But it is open to investigation, fair game for fair and appropriate action. Respectful curiosity is what Synergy wants from all of us, including pointing it at our own emotional mind. Do YOU know why you are saying no? Do you understand what aspect of the situation makes you uncomfortable thus prompting a rejection? Have you given intentionality to your boundary or is it just a knee jerk response from habit or training?

When someone probes your boundaries with gentle analysis, it can feel frightening and possibly invasive, which triggers a greater sense of discomfort. But if we don’t understand why we say no when we say no we are not only doing a possible disservice to ourselves, but perhaps losing the chance to serve the needs of others, a core imperative in our design.

There are times to explain yourself, when an opportunity for service is present and both you and the other party have sincere needs and authentic reasons for your positions. In those moments, intimacy can grow as you offer the vulnerability of an explanation, giving the power of information to the other party.

Sharing your reasons is an act of intimacy. Of surrender. It generates a Moment of connection. That is why we feel the need to explain ourselves. But to jump the gun and offer unsolicited information is to force intimacy. Allowing a give and take fosters more depth of connection. If you do all the giving and don’t allow reciprocal giving you have missed a moment. And if there are unhealthy motives, allowing give and take to flow naturally will shine the light on them.

Try it on WWF! The Scammy Sammys volunteer their life story – invariably a poor widowed father who doesn’t get on the game often so wants to meet on Google Hangouts. This disclosure of information is intended to generate a sense of reciprocity and intimacy yet comes uninvited! When you do not offer a similar level of disclosure, when you say no and enforce a healthy boundary, you will come under attack!

Some people will simply leave you alone when you say no, blocking you out of their life with no explanation once they realize you have clear boundaries. These are Scammy Sammys who like easy prey.

Others will attempt to shame you and make you question your boundaries. These Scammy Sammys enjoy the negativity where a no triggers contempt.

While yet others will try to find ways to circumnavigate your boundaries, testing your defenses from various angles until they find a weak spot in your armour. To them no means convince you, and they delight in a challenge. They use an arsenal of strategies to reach their goal. Your weak spots will be either insincere or unhealthy defenses. In your analysis of your boundaries you will recognize some areas needing work and reinforcement. Proactive reflection will keep you safer by preventing intrusions.

Fielding the constant attacks of these types gets exhausting and is the most dangerous to you core self. Every hit weakens your walls and if enough volleys hit home you eventually crumble and fall victim to a violation.

Boundaries form the walls protecting our wise mind and helping to keep our monsters subdued. Boundary violations trigger Moodasaurus and Logiticus to patrol our perimeter and unhealthy boundaries confuse those two lovely beasts as well as the targets of their defenses.

We do not need to justify our boundaries to others…so long as we have justified them to ourselves.

Predator as Prey

Passive behaviour allows predatory control of relationship dynamics.

What so incredibly confusing about passive behaviour, why it is so seductive and successful, is that Synergy only meets our needs via passivity so we are preprogrammed to seek it out!

Synergy speaks to us through our environment. She guides us with clues. She supports us secretly and with delicate subtlety and it feels like a delightful escape room puzzle when you discover the solution which was staring you in the face. She gives us all we need and leaves it up to us to put it together.

Just like a passive personality.

We were designed to search for cues and synchronicities, created to listen to unspoken commands. When someone gives them to us it feels like we are driven to act on them because we are!

Passive personalities are doing what Synergy does.

Passive manipulation of one human by another is following the design of the universe while simultaneously unbalancing the parties involved if creating an injustice. That red flag which goes off to indicate something isn’t quite right is not actually alerting you to the manipulation, but rather, the unfairness of the outcome.

When Synergy moves us through passive actions and subtle gifts, we feel profound satisfaction and peace. When a benevolent human moves us through passive control and gentle guidance, we also find stability and gratitude. But when hidden agendas take us out of our comfort zone, our alarm arises from the lack of grace in the perpetrator and the lack of peace in the results.

Unfortunately, each time we are victimized by a wolf in sheep’s clothing, we get sensitized to sheep. Over time we begin to feel that passivity itself is the source of our pain and we lose the ability to differentiate between the genuine generosity of Synergy or her agents, and the artificial phishing attempts of those seeking to get their own needs met by disguising their motives.

A passive personality may create one of the most frustrating dynamics you will ever encounter. Passive communication elicits intense impatience and resentment because of the layers of subtext to filter through, searching for meaning.

Passive behaviour in and of itself is not toxic. The outcome determines the degree of dysfunction. A predator will leave prey shredded and dumbfounded while an agent of Synergy provides support and blessings without claiming credit.

The lesson to pull, the skill to refine, when dealing with passivity is observation. Like working with Synergy, who cannot say a word, the passive individual also cannot say a straight word. Yet like Synergy, they have much to say and are worth listening to. Maintaining curious regard is difficult in the face of frustration but it is practice for peace.

Enlightenment does not come easy and requires listening to the quietest, most passive voice in the universe!

Me, Myself, and I, Do

Three people inhabit our minds.

Thoughts are a product of the logical judgemental mind, arising in response to stimuli and generated from past history, relevant information and personality traits. Thoughts are Me.

Feelings are a product of the emotional physical mind, arising in response to stimuli and generated from past history, relevant information and personality traits. Feelings are Myself.

Thoughts are like shadows. They have no substance and disappear when the lights go out. Yet they can be so clear and present that they are tangible to the thinker, as material as the brain which thunk them. Yet, they have no power in the real world. It is not the thought that counts. There is no do, no act, where thoughts are concerned.

Feelings are like words. They have no substance and fade when the silence returns. Yet than can be so clear and present that they are tangible to the speaker, as material as the brain that sensed them. Yet they have no power in the real world. It’s not the feelings that count. There is no do, no act, where feelings are concerned.

Shadows can be terrifying and words can be hurtful. Yet if you truly think about it, neither the shadows themselves or the words themselves generate fear or pain. It is your interpretation of them that elicits the response.

Thoughts happen. You don’t need to pay them any more mind than you do the shadow following your every move on a bright summer day. You may want to observe thoughts, as they can give you entertainment, assistance and direction just like your shadow can. But they are not actions and no one else is privy to them so cannot know you through them.

Feelings happen. You don’t need to pay them any more mind than the babble of a toddler as they chatter at play. You may want to observe feelings, as they can give you information, energy, and direction just like words can. But they are not actions and no one else is privy to them so cannot know you through them.

Our actions are the only way people can truly know us. They become the manifestation of our thoughts and feelings. But so often in reflection we find that we did not act the way we meant to. Things didn’t go the way we planned. We were not true to ourselves.

That’s the I talking. The person who exists away from the rest of the world, the ideal version of self not influenced or inhibited by thoughts and feelings. The wise eternal mind is who we would like to be if the monsters to the left and the right of our mind would just stop interfering with the script!

The monsters of emotion and judgement will never go away. Training them to heel takes hard work but is necessary to let the world see who you really are. Me and myself need to flank I, the one who will do what is real.

Monsters Within

All of us have monsters inside. Some people keep them on tight leashes, harnessed to pull them through the drifts and banks of stormy environments and haul them out of ruts.

Others hide their monsters so deep within they forget they have them until the creatures escape, wreaking havoc as they rampage out of control on the unsuspecting people who happen to be nearby when the walls crumble.

Yet others have caged them, letting the monsters see all the world but not allowing any freedom to work off the energy fed to them. The monsters shake those bars, and grumble and howl, but rarely do they get satisfaction thus neither does their master no matter how well the person seems to master their world.

A final group of people hide behind one or both of their monsters, never letting their true selves show so all the world experiences is the fierceness with none of the authenticity of the spirit within.

Monsters are a part of each of us. They need feed and care because their purpose is to protect us and work for us. There are two kinds of monsters inside our two material brains but none live inside our wise Eternal mind. Our true selves need their protection while tied to the Mattersphere and shed those skins when we leave the material world behind.

Logiticus, the cold, cruel calculating robot, lives inside our logical brain. Lacking emotions, this terminator comes out to defend perceived wrongs, avenge betrayals, and correct imbalance. When harnessed properly, Logiticus is an effective tool to operate successfully in our physical and social environment with its rules, laws, customs, and norms.

Moodasaurus, the wild animal, resides in the emotional mind and runs rampant in response to threats, fears, and pain. When harnessed properly Moodasaurus keeps us safe from danger, protects us from exploitation, and helps us navigate our physical and social environment with its rules, laws, customs, and norms.

Both exist for a reason, to help us. With proper training and exercise, they can be man’s best friend but mistreatment can lead them to bite the hand that feeds them. The first step in responsible ownership is to acknowledge their existence and become familiar with their needs. And then a productive partnership of mutual respect and admiration can begin.

Monsters are only monsters when you don’t understand them. Once you know them, you begin to love who and what they are and embrace them. The beast within has a beauty of its own.

Emotional Epilepsy

Epilepsy is a diagnosable condition with measurable symptoms, predictable triggers, and consistent patterns of behaviour. The condition arises from a systemic imbalance. Someone experiencing seizures loses control of themselves and can be dangerous to themselves and others. Treatments are available for many symptoms but the afflicted individual must choose to seek diagnostics, medical intervention, and support.

Emotional dysfunctions are diagnosable conditions with measurable symptoms, predictable triggers, and consistent patterns of behaviour. The condition arises from a systemic imbalance. Someone experiencing an emotional dysfunctional episode, an emotional seizure, loses control of themselves and can be dangerous to themselves and others. Treatments are available for many symptoms but the afflicted must choose to seek diagnostics, medical intervention, and support.

During a seizure, the person with epilepsy may involuntarily strike out at their surroundings, may become blind to dangers, may not be able to consciously safeguard themselves or others. If they were to injure a loved one during an uncontrolled seizure they would likely feel intense guilt and shame at the damage they did. Their loved one would not blame them for the behaviours whilst out of control of their body, yet would hold them accountable for seeking treatment, for creating effective coping strategies, for learning how to manage their outbursts in order to make the relationship safer for both of them. No expectations, only boundaries. If epilepsy goes unmanaged, the support person would be in constant risk.

During an emotional seizure, the person with emotional dysregulation may involuntarily strike out at their surroundings, may become blind to dangers, may not be able to consciously safeguard themselves or others. If they were to injure a loved one during an uncontrolled episode they would likely feel intense guilt and shame at the damage they did.

But that’s where the similarity tends to end, which is why mental illness so often grows, and passes on to another generation, accumulating shame, blame, and guilt with each new seizure.

Mental illness is painful for all who endure it as sufferers, victims, and witnesses. Just like epilepsy. But unlike epilepsy, it gets mistaken for a choice, judged as a lifestyle, and dismissed as unworthy of compassion or empathy. Yet like epilepsy, compassion, empathy and support constitute part of the treatment and are central to managing symptoms.

To support someone through epileptic seizures, you cannot pick and choose which symptoms are epileptic and which are not. You accept the whole and forgive what happens during a seizure, if you choose to interact with the person who is potentially unsafe for you because of their illness. To do otherwise is to judge and that puts imbalance between you. Better to keep boundaries between, not scales, and accept completely or let it be. Only you know if the relationship is worth the risk to your safety. No outsider can tell you that although they may try.

To support someone through emotional seizures, you cannot pick and choose which symptoms are choices and which are illness. You accept the whole and forgive what happens during a seizure, if you choose to interact with the person who is potentially unsafe for you because of their illness. To do otherwise is to judge and that puts imbalance between you. Better to keep boundaries between you, not scales, and accept completely or let it be. Only you will know if the relationship is worth the risk to your safety. No outsider can tell you although they might try.

Understanding epilepsy does not mean excusing the dangers of it or absolving people of the responsibility to manage it. But an informed perspective allows preparation for making a choice when a Moment of decision – stay or go – presents itself. Understanding is the foundation for compassion. Knowledge dispels fear and eases trauma. The wise mind guides decisions once the emotional and judgemental brains quiet down.

Understanding emotional dysfunctions does not mean excusing the dangers or absolving people of the responsibility to manage it. But an informed perspective allows preparation for making a choice when a Moment of decision- stay or go – presents itself. Understanding is the foundation for compassion. Knowledge dispels fear and eases trauma. The wise mind guides decisions once the emotional and judgemental brains quiet down.

Emotional abuse is not ok. But it is understandable. It has patterns, predictable triggers, and treatable behaviours. Hope for stability is what keeps people in abusive situations and hope is a precious, powerful force. To judge either party for having hope is to create greater imbalance while acceptance adds more hope and a sense of a safety net.

Triggers

Every single one of us plays, and is being played, like the Operation game. And that game board sits on a pivoting table in a boat in the middle of an ocean of emotional turmoil!

We all have our sensitive touch points, our triggers that make us aversive and obnoxious when we’ve been poked with carelessness or imbalance. That’s our feeling mind or judgemental brain having a knee jerk response to a perceived threat and bypassing our wise mind to send out a growling response in hopes the source of discomfort backs off.

Effective, no doubt! But since it also sets off alarms in the other players, such a response heightens everyone’s anxiety and distress. Plus so very often, the source of distress is a memory, an echo of a moment, not the reality of the present.

The tighter those operating spaces, the harder someone is to get along with, the more people avoid trying. Unfortunately that becomes a positive feedback cycle, a self-fulfilling prophecy because the more unpleasant a person is, the more people treat them with unpleasantness, the more intense their unpleasant responses become.

To escape the trauma drama of conditioned reflexive patterns requires stepping into the present in an intentional and mindful way. Seeing your own self from a distance and examining your Operation game to determine what spots you can safely widen, which triggers are legitimate boundaries that keep you in balance, and what parts of you can be cracked wide open and offered freely to any and all comers.

No expectations. Only boundaries. Don’t trust anyone but love them anyway.

We have every right to establish our boundaries but no right to growl and flare up and traumatize others without fair warning. In the Operation Game, the raw nerve edges are visible…and so are the contents of the target spaces. That makes it a fair game because the player can see the object actually exists and is available for pursuit, while they know what margins for error they have in the effort.

Life doesn’t come with that fairness so the only way one person learns to recognize the invisible bubble which is personal boundaries is to bounce up against it. To be fair, first offense demands a warning shot not a kill shot. That makes sense.

But that’s a loophole exploited by those whose elementary personality drives them to use others to either raise or lower their own energy level in their search for stability. Warning shots identify a boundary the first time. A second warning shot is no longer a warning, it’s a bluff, and becomes background noise. An expectation, not a boundary. Expectations are demands and demands are a type of resistance to Synergy and our purpose.

Examination of our personal triggers frees us from patterns of resistance, instability, and imbalance. We can set off our own raw edges just as easily as other people can. We must use our wise mind to calmly and serenely look upon our game play and remove our expectations of others while setting our boundaries. And then we need to offer our whole selves to others with open vulnerability, prepared both to gently advise when a boundary gets struck the first time, but firmly remove ourselves the Moment that same person intentionally chooses to touch that same boundary a second time. Boundaries protect our core selves. If we don’t enforce them, we lose who we are, we spurn that precious gift Synergy gave us, of curiosity and hope and joy.

A boundary is a plan of how to remove yourself from an unbalanced situation, not an action plan to stop the other people in the situation. You can’t control others, or situations any more than you can stop the boat rocking on the ocean during a storm. Yes, the patterns we have structured our Operation circuit board around do sometimes work to temporarily stabilize the game board but since those actions and reactions arise from feelings and judgements the balance is temporary. The eye of the storm. Setting the entire board game on the grounded Moment right Now keeps it level and firm for future game play.

Drama Queens and Production Kings

The closer an element is to stability, the more reactive it is.

The closer people are to being stable, the more volatile they are.

When something is so close to fruition, so very near fulfillment, the drive for completion is intense. When every new encounter could be the key, every corner turned the final one, of course you are going to wholeheartedly leap into every Moment with the expectation that THIS is the one!

Aye. There’s the rub.

Expectations. Of others. Of self. Of Synergy. Putting the burden on them to be what is needed for stability, rather than trusting that satisfaction is an ongoing long term process of sequential Moments accumulating the necessary energy for stability.

Granted, the passionate person has a greater likelihood of finding their passionate soulmate in one Moment, one first glance, than those with less volatility but the likelihood of false starts and misreads also increases exponentially.

Volatile elements are on a continuum called the Reactivity Series. Not all elements have the same affinity for electrons and so one type of atom can strip the electrons off another type of atom even if it is in a stable bond. This is the nature of elements. It is neither right nor wrong, it simply is the nature of the core structure of each element and the pattern card of how the element interacts with other atoms.

Volatile people can unsettle and unbalance even the most composed of individuals. Personalities so close to stability as to be volatile truly live in the moment, but not in a surrendered, accepting way. Each moment is experienced with passionate immersion but is not balanced upon the scaffold of all previous moments, instead experienced as a stand alone, without antecedents or consequence. The need in the moment strips the available energy, even if only temporary and unintended, and later regretted.

Moments, to be effective, must be lived intentionally or they are simply a missed opportunity. Drama Queens and Production Kings have a handle on embracing the moment but not the intentionality. So close they can taste it but it slips away and they don’t understand why.

So on to the next Moment.

Until they either meet a Noble gas which cannot be perturbed, and learn the resonance of true surrender and acceptance, or they discover their soul mate and stability, or they are forced inside themselves so deeply by trauma they reconnect with their wise mind and it guides them into intentionality.

Judgement and shame are not on any of these roads. We are what we are, our core structure and our coping strategies. Acceptance of that reality is necessary before stability can be attempted.

Volatile elements and volatile people are only a short but energetic leap away from satisfaction. It just has to be done with eyes wide open and blind faith.