Trojan Horses and Gordian Knots

No strings attached?

Look that gift horse in the mouth and examine every strand of hair in its mane and tail looking for threads which may inextricably bind you before accepting unsolicited gifts. Or unsolicited acts of service, for that matter.

Generosity is an aspect of sincere compassion but like all behaviours can be used for control. Extricating yourself from negative billing on an uninvited gift or service can be incredibly tricky. Have you ever sat on the phone navigating the layers of red tape required to cancel that free trial you signed up for on a whim…and you knew what you were getting into there!

Providing unexpected gifts or services is a common behaviour in those struggling to reach emotional stability. It is a way to secure connection without a risk of personal rejection – our society tells us it is churlish to turn away someone bearing gifts or who does nice things for us…until the moment where the words ” After all I’ve done for you…” come to haunt you.

There is no shame or dysfunction in choosing to involve yourself with someone who engages in dysfunctional behaviour if you do so with conscious compassion and joyful intent. Just like accepting an offer of a free trial book of the month club gives you a chance to see if you like what you get, if it meets your needs.

A gift horse does have value even if long in the tooth. A Trojan army can only overrun your boundaries if you are unprepared or weakened. Every interaction, unsolicited or not, with another human being is a bid for contact, an attempt to get a need met, an effort to find stability. Greeted with receptive curiosity, these threads of connection can weave beautiful patterns not possible without the tension created by the variance in personalities.

Understanding yourself and your needs and motivations will allow you to examine the details of Trojan horses to determine if acceptance is worth the cost. Awareness of your strengths and defenses will provide you with certainty as you decide to allow entry or reject the offering presented to you.

Knowledge of the patterns and personality of the gift giver will inform your decision; don’t trust anyone but love them anyway by having hopeful assumptions. Trust Synergy to keep you satisfied and in balance as you endeavor to meet your needs while being of service to others.

Even if they seem to be trying to pay you in advance.

That behaviour, being generous, is sincere, as is the motive, getting needs met. What makes the interaction insincere and thus unsatisfying is the lack of clear expectations. Perhaps because of a history of rejection and manipulation, they feel they must use passive means to meet their needs. Maybe they’ve experienced helplessness or hopelessness and are attempting to cultivate relationships in advance so when they need support they already have a line of credit with you.

With all unsolicited bids for contact, especially those involving gifts or acts of service, you are able to make an intentional and deliberate choice to accept the gift and its possible knot of hidden obligations, or choose to block access to your energy by turning the gift away at the door. Feel no shame or guilt in saying no because your boundaries still apply even in the face of apparent acts of generosity. Since Synergy gifts us with what we need each day, we are programmed to receive and resistance goes against our very nature!

You will feel the Moment a truly compassionate gift or act is bestowed upon you, and anything less than that sensation will have some degree of transaction involved, some measure of score keeping. When in the Presence of sincere compassion, the taste of satisfaction and gratitude will be unmistakable and you will feel compelled to accept out of sheer joy.

Predator as Prey

Passive behaviour allows predatory control of relationship dynamics.

What so incredibly confusing about passive behaviour, why it is so seductive and successful, is that Synergy only meets our needs via passivity so we are preprogrammed to seek it out!

Synergy speaks to us through our environment. She guides us with clues. She supports us secretly and with delicate subtlety and it feels like a delightful escape room puzzle when you discover the solution which was staring you in the face. She gives us all we need and leaves it up to us to put it together.

Just like a passive personality.

We were designed to search for cues and synchronicities, created to listen to unspoken commands. When someone gives them to us it feels like we are driven to act on them because we are!

Passive personalities are doing what Synergy does.

Passive manipulation of one human by another is following the design of the universe while simultaneously unbalancing the parties involved if creating an injustice. That red flag which goes off to indicate something isn’t quite right is not actually alerting you to the manipulation, but rather, the unfairness of the outcome.

When Synergy moves us through passive actions and subtle gifts, we feel profound satisfaction and peace. When a benevolent human moves us through passive control and gentle guidance, we also find stability and gratitude. But when hidden agendas take us out of our comfort zone, our alarm arises from the lack of grace in the perpetrator and the lack of peace in the results.

Unfortunately, each time we are victimized by a wolf in sheep’s clothing, we get sensitized to sheep. Over time we begin to feel that passivity itself is the source of our pain and we lose the ability to differentiate between the genuine generosity of Synergy or her agents, and the artificial phishing attempts of those seeking to get their own needs met by disguising their motives.

A passive personality may create one of the most frustrating dynamics you will ever encounter. Passive communication elicits intense impatience and resentment because of the layers of subtext to filter through, searching for meaning.

Passive behaviour in and of itself is not toxic. The outcome determines the degree of dysfunction. A predator will leave prey shredded and dumbfounded while an agent of Synergy provides support and blessings without claiming credit.

The lesson to pull, the skill to refine, when dealing with passivity is observation. Like working with Synergy, who cannot say a word, the passive individual also cannot say a straight word. Yet like Synergy, they have much to say and are worth listening to. Maintaining curious regard is difficult in the face of frustration but it is practice for peace.

Enlightenment does not come easy and requires listening to the quietest, most passive voice in the universe!

Me, Myself, and I, Do

Three people inhabit our minds.

Thoughts are a product of the logical judgemental mind, arising in response to stimuli and generated from past history, relevant information and personality traits. Thoughts are Me.

Feelings are a product of the emotional physical mind, arising in response to stimuli and generated from past history, relevant information and personality traits. Feelings are Myself.

Thoughts are like shadows. They have no substance and disappear when the lights go out. Yet they can be so clear and present that they are tangible to the thinker, as material as the brain which thunk them. Yet, they have no power in the real world. It is not the thought that counts. There is no do, no act, where thoughts are concerned.

Feelings are like words. They have no substance and fade when the silence returns. Yet than can be so clear and present that they are tangible to the speaker, as material as the brain that sensed them. Yet they have no power in the real world. It’s not the feelings that count. There is no do, no act, where feelings are concerned.

Shadows can be terrifying and words can be hurtful. Yet if you truly think about it, neither the shadows themselves or the words themselves generate fear or pain. It is your interpretation of them that elicits the response.

Thoughts happen. You don’t need to pay them any more mind than you do the shadow following your every move on a bright summer day. You may want to observe thoughts, as they can give you entertainment, assistance and direction just like your shadow can. But they are not actions and no one else is privy to them so cannot know you through them.

Feelings happen. You don’t need to pay them any more mind than the babble of a toddler as they chatter at play. You may want to observe feelings, as they can give you information, energy, and direction just like words can. But they are not actions and no one else is privy to them so cannot know you through them.

Our actions are the only way people can truly know us. They become the manifestation of our thoughts and feelings. But so often in reflection we find that we did not act the way we meant to. Things didn’t go the way we planned. We were not true to ourselves.

That’s the I talking. The person who exists away from the rest of the world, the ideal version of self not influenced or inhibited by thoughts and feelings. The wise eternal mind is who we would like to be if the monsters to the left and the right of our mind would just stop interfering with the script!

The monsters of emotion and judgement will never go away. Training them to heel takes hard work but is necessary to let the world see who you really are. Me and myself need to flank I, the one who will do what is real.

Monsters Within

All of us have monsters inside. Some people keep them on tight leashes, harnessed to pull them through the drifts and banks of stormy environments and haul them out of ruts.

Others hide their monsters so deep within they forget they have them until the creatures escape, wreaking havoc as they rampage out of control on the unsuspecting people who happen to be nearby when the walls crumble.

Yet others have caged them, letting the monsters see all the world but not allowing any freedom to work off the energy fed to them. The monsters shake those bars, and grumble and howl, but rarely do they get satisfaction thus neither does their master no matter how well the person seems to master their world.

A final group of people hide behind one or both of their monsters, never letting their true selves show so all the world experiences is the fierceness with none of the authenticity of the spirit within.

Monsters are a part of each of us. They need feed and care because their purpose is to protect us and work for us. There are two kinds of monsters inside our two material brains but none live inside our wise Eternal mind. Our true selves need their protection while tied to the Mattersphere and shed those skins when we leave the material world behind.

Logiticus, the cold, cruel calculating robot, lives inside our logical brain. Lacking emotions, this terminator comes out to defend perceived wrongs, avenge betrayals, and correct imbalance. When harnessed properly, Logiticus is an effective tool to operate successfully in our physical and social environment with its rules, laws, customs, and norms.

Moodasaurus, the wild animal, resides in the emotional mind and runs rampant in response to threats, fears, and pain. When harnessed properly Moodasaurus keeps us safe from danger, protects us from exploitation, and helps us navigate our physical and social environment with its rules, laws, customs, and norms.

Both exist for a reason, to help us. With proper training and exercise, they can be man’s best friend but mistreatment can lead them to bite the hand that feeds them. The first step in responsible ownership is to acknowledge their existence and become familiar with their needs. And then a productive partnership of mutual respect and admiration can begin.

Monsters are only monsters when you don’t understand them. Once you know them, you begin to love who and what they are and embrace them. The beast within has a beauty of its own.

Drama Queens and Production Kings

The closer an element is to stability, the more reactive it is.

The closer people are to being stable, the more volatile they are.

When something is so close to fruition, so very near fulfillment, the drive for completion is intense. When every new encounter could be the key, every corner turned the final one, of course you are going to wholeheartedly leap into every Moment with the expectation that THIS is the one!

Aye. There’s the rub.

Expectations. Of others. Of self. Of Synergy. Putting the burden on them to be what is needed for stability, rather than trusting that satisfaction is an ongoing long term process of sequential Moments accumulating the necessary energy for stability.

Granted, the passionate person has a greater likelihood of finding their passionate soulmate in one Moment, one first glance, than those with less volatility but the likelihood of false starts and misreads also increases exponentially.

Volatile elements are on a continuum called the Reactivity Series. Not all elements have the same affinity for electrons and so one type of atom can strip the electrons off another type of atom even if it is in a stable bond. This is the nature of elements. It is neither right nor wrong, it simply is the nature of the core structure of each element and the pattern card of how the element interacts with other atoms.

Volatile people can unsettle and unbalance even the most composed of individuals. Personalities so close to stability as to be volatile truly live in the moment, but not in a surrendered, accepting way. Each moment is experienced with passionate immersion but is not balanced upon the scaffold of all previous moments, instead experienced as a stand alone, without antecedents or consequence. The need in the moment strips the available energy, even if only temporary and unintended, and later regretted.

Moments, to be effective, must be lived intentionally or they are simply a missed opportunity. Drama Queens and Production Kings have a handle on embracing the moment but not the intentionality. So close they can taste it but it slips away and they don’t understand why.

So on to the next Moment.

Until they either meet a Noble gas which cannot be perturbed, and learn the resonance of true surrender and acceptance, or they discover their soul mate and stability, or they are forced inside themselves so deeply by trauma they reconnect with their wise mind and it guides them into intentionality.

Judgement and shame are not on any of these roads. We are what we are, our core structure and our coping strategies. Acceptance of that reality is necessary before stability can be attempted.

Volatile elements and volatile people are only a short but energetic leap away from satisfaction. It just has to be done with eyes wide open and blind faith.

Judgement Aside

We are who we are. There is no wrong nor right, good nor evil, bad nor good. There are consequences and fallout from our choices, and those cause balance or imbalance, satisfaction or dissatisfaction.

It is our short circuit which leads us to judge. That is not our role. Our role is to live with curiosity and hope, making choices in the Moment that will bring stability to our elemental personality and joy to our Eternal mind.

If we truly embrace Mindfulness and Enlightenment and follow through to the ultimate understanding of reality, then we have to accept that everything is as it has to be. Which means things we perceive as evil or wrong had to happen…thus they are not wrong, they are an adjustment to compensate for imbalance.

Each person acts to satisfy their needs in each moment. Some people are able to do so without cost to others, while some must do it at the expense of someone else. To shame people for these situations is to work against Synergy, to act in judgement and to take a position of superiority. Hubris.

Humility and acceptance cause no harm if given sincerely. False humility, that which feels hurt when not honoured or respected, is not authentic.

True surrender means being walked upon, being martyred, being vulnerable while still understanding there is purpose to the pain and beauty in the sacrifice.

All who live join Synergy in death, their Eternal consciousness freed from the sensory ties and judgements…and temptations…of reality. No matter what they did on Earth, they will find acceptance and comfort. Every act on Earth is an attempt to refine Datter and balance Matter, not elicit evil or judge worth.

To fight the short circuit, to forsake judgement and condemnation, to be open and vulnerable even to those known to exploit and violate, takes immense courage and faith.

And sometimes merely walking out the door in these uncertain times takes incredible courage and faith.

Courage and faith, and patience, get rewarded with peace and joy, in one lifetime or the next.

Walk with hope and curiosity, faith and courage, joy and happiness, and Synergy walks with you.

The Shine of Stability

Have you ever met someone and they radiated contentment, compassion and acceptance? Without saying a word, they made you feel safe and secure? Did you find yourself fascinated by them, unable to look away as they went about their life? Were you surprised to catch yourself saying things you never thought you’d say or sharing your innermost thoughts after only the briefest of connection?

That is what it feels like to be around someone who is elementally stable and neutral. Someone living in the Moment. Someone who’s surrendered to the present and has no expectations of those around them, only boundaries. They shine with serenity, vulnerability, and hope and it is infectious and appealing. They shine with Synergy.

Some people are naturally born with greater stability in their core structure, meaning they can be neutral not only when alone but also interacting with others, and have always been that way. On the Periodic Table the elements displaying this calm, peaceful behaviour even in the presence of other atoms, the family of elements on the right, are known as the Noble Gases. Group (1)8, with 8 electrons in the boundary energy cloud.

Noble meaning non-reactive. Stable. Not volatile. The clouds of electrons surrounding the Noble gases are satisfied, meaning they do not need to discharge negativity or collect it. The stability of Noble gases is what all other elements are striving for via volatility and reactivity. Every atom wants to feel the fullness of satisfaction, the contentment of completion, and is capable of attaining it.

Both positives and negatives exist in every atom and every personality. They must, because balance requires opposing forces. The Noble Gases are electrically balanced and internally stable. Only in extreme circumstances will they react with other substances. Their behaviour is the same when in isolation and when exposed to the environment.

Noble Gases are used to light up neon signs, fill helium balloons, even prevent reactions between other elements.

People with stability and serenity play a similar role, lighting up others, lifting their spirits, and insulating them from volatility.

Other elements become like Noble gases through forming bonds, through developing relationships and interactions, in order to either release negativity or to collect it.

People too become stable by forming bonds, developing relationships and interactions, aspiring to find satisfaction and live in the Moment.

Clouds of Negativity

Atoms have a positive nucleus, a core of protons balled up a bit like our sun, while clouds of negative electrons orbit the nucleus similar to planets (well, more like asteroid belts) orbiting the sun. The charges of an atom add up evenly to make the atom energy neutral when it exists alone in a vacuum. Neutral does not mean stable, though. Stability on an atomic level comes from satisfaction within the electron clouds.

Most humans are also a mix of positive and negative emotional charges and are vulnerable to giving or receiving negativity in interactions with other people in an attempt to find satisfaction and stability. A rare few are so internally stable that no matter what is going on around them, they don’t transfer negativity and in fact bring those around them relief and protection from emotional volatility.

Expose most atoms to other atoms and they react to one degree or another over time, because most atoms are vulnerable to either losing or gaining electrons. A small number of atom types are so internally balanced that they never lose or gain negativity except in the rarest, most exceptional circumstances and are often used to insulate other elements from the environment.

Balance and stability requires the equalization of opposing forces. It is not about the eradication of negativity, it is about accepting the presence of negativity and finding ways to counterweight it.

Chemical reactivity comes from a lack, from empty spots in the outside layer of the electron clouds surrounding every atom. Atoms lacking enough electrons, enough negative energy, desperately seek to change that imbalance. The magic number is eight, with few exceptions, and elements just shy of 8 electrons in their peripheral energy cloud will grab onto the nearest negativity to fill themselves up. While elements with few electrons in the outer shell will give them away to drop down to the lower energy level for stability.

People either try to elevate or lift themselves up to the next energy level or drop themselves down to the one below. They use people and things around them, either boosting themselves, or boosting others.

It’s elemental!

Neutrality verses Stability

The Periodic Table of the Elements organizes all the types of atoms based on physical and chemical properties. Atoms behave in a predictable consistent manner in set conditions.

So too do most humans. Although we may subconsciously blind ourselves to the predictable patterns, they are there. Accepting they exist is the first step toward becoming curious about how to interact safely with all the elemental personality types and finding joy and satisfaction in safe interactions no matter how volatile the personalities involved. Every person we meet is a gift from Synergy and if we open it with grateful curiosity we will obtain the hidden treasure found within the most challenging of relationships.

We are what we are.

But we can become more through our interactions just like the elements become more through forming bonds with other elements.

All atoms on their own are electrically neutral. There is balance between the core nucleus of positively charged protons and the orbiting clouds of negatively charged electrons. If left isolated, no atom is in and of itself volatile. They only become reactive in the presence of other atoms, whether their same type or a different kind entirely.

Humans are like that too. Leave us alone, without outside influence, and we don’t react if there’s nothing to react to! We are neutral, balanced in our positives and negatives. That person, who exists independent of humanity, is our Eternal self, the best and most wonderful version of our core structure. Every single one of us is beautifully neutral and balanced on our own.

But humans, like atoms, do not exist in an empty vacuum. We must interact from the moment of birth until we either die or isolate ourselves in a safe space. Those interactions are driven by our core structure and the structure of the people we associate with.

In the presence of other atoms, elements may become reactive dependant on the core structures involved. The objective in chemical reactions is not electrical neutrality, but rather structural stability. This is achieved by the movement of negatively charged electrons because positive charges cannot be changed. So atoms need to either give negativity away, or receive negativity, to get satisfied. Some are more volatile than others in their effort to attain chemical stability.

Humans are like that too. We feel the drive to either generate negativity in others which, be honest, can be very satisfying in the moment, or we seek to alleviate negativity which is also satisfying. Some people are more volatile than others in their effort to attain emotional stability.

There are 18 families of core structures on the Periodic Table but 8 are the fundamental ones most involved in our lives. Only one of those groups is both chemically and electrically stable, the rest have varying degrees of reactivity.

Understanding human reactivity as the quest for emotional stability while respecting the underlying balanced core structure allows the formation of lasting, productive, stable bonds.

Macrocosm reflects microcosm…we are what we are composed of.