Children, Chores, and Choices

Our children are temporary passengers on a train they never chose to board. We bring them onto our life journey, intentionally or without thought, but our destination and even our route is not by their design.

How we treat these involuntary riders determines the way their own lives unfold once they disembark from our carriage. If they even do! And if we derail while they’re still aboard, the fright of that experience can inhibit their delight in laying their own tracks.

In reality, when we purchase a ticket for a destination, do we expect to be put to work aboard the machine? If we are offered free passage, no strings attached, do we feel misled or exploited when once en route we are given no choice but to shovel coal into the boiler to keep the engine chugging? A mutiny would quickly arise were passengers turned unwillingly into crew.

Yet many parents do not hesitate to put their children to work keeping the family train operational. Chores are encouraged and applauded by almost all. So why do so many children resist their responsibilities, challenge their chores and undermine the expectations put upon them?

Choice. Free will. Fairness. Hypocrisy.

Children are not slave labour nor serfs. Regardless of how convenient their presence and how accessible their hours, to demand unnecessary contributions and unwilling labour is to invite mutiny no different than how passengers with tickets would resist serving in the dining car. A treasured guest is not ordered to work for their keep yet children get the mixed message they are loved but must earn their place in their home.

Were the train in real trouble, and the passengers given the opportunity to understand the situation and to volunteer to assist, many would go above and beyond. Knowing their own skills and abilities, the riders would offer what they could and do their utmost to help. Especially if they have seen the crew in action so truly appreciate the effort that goes into running the system.

We bring children into this world without their consent. To make them pay fare for riding with us is unfair. To force expectations and responsibilities on them when it is arbitrary or contrived is to leave them feeling used and exploited. They learn that love requires involuntary sacrifice and family feels like work. That home is where the servants are.

To invite them to labour beside us when we need their help, coming from a place of vulnerability and sincere need, is to show them how to step up when really needed. Or to ask them what they are interested in joining us with, to create bonding through shared labours, is to teach them the profound intimacy of common goals and experiences.

Leave the curriculum and artificial expectations in the classroom and make home a safe place to grow, free of exploitation, servitude or hypocrisy. They will offer help when they are ready, and learn when there are Moments to do so. As passengers on our train, they may want to explore it with us but sometimes they are simply along for the ride and won’t come to life until they start their own journey and that is just fine. But the more we enjoy our own ride, the more inspiring our pleasure, the greater the chance they will want to see what excites us.

Intimacy verses Vulnerability and which means more?

Intimacy is a sense of connection, of commonality, of oneness and sharing.

Vulnerability is an act of authenticity and sincerity which exposes the core personality, values, desires and soul of a person.

You can have intense intimacy with absolutely no vulnerability. There can be open vulnerability with no intimacy. This is because intimacy is a feeling, while vulnerability is an action. Yes, vulnerability can also be labelled as the fearful feeling arising from the action, but a vulnerable act does not necessarily include fearfulness on the part of the act. In addition, vulnerability does not require a second party nor a connection to another person, whereas intimacy by nature IS connection.

Artists perform acts of vulnerability. To write a book, stand up at a comedy event, create a movie or paint a picture is to put a piece of your innermost soul out there. Before the piece even gets revealed to the public, its very existence creates vulnerability by turning energy into matter. Thought into word. Idea into brush stroke. The act of creating is an act of openness and exposure.

Intimacy arises with each opportunity for someone else to view or read the creation. Because intimacy develops through interaction, the people involved determine the type and level of intimacy depending on how many points of connection exist between them outside of the point of vulnerability. Do they share common history? Do they have common values and goals? How high a risk of rejection is involved? The higher the risk, the greater the sense of validation found in a Moment of intimacy. A Moment of intimacy resonates at a visceral level and the reason why they can happen under the most unexpected of circumstances is because they are about two wise minds seeing past the shields of both the judgemental and emotional brains and connecting in the realm of eternal knowing.

Being truly known is terrifying. Allowing someone to see the real you is to stand naked and on display. How many people feel a chill at the thought of someone seeing the book they have started, the poem they wrote, the sketch they drafted hidden in the bottom drawer of the old desk in the attic? How anxious and nervous do you feel when drafting a simple email voicing your opinion while you have no hesitation giving orders and instructions to large groups of people? An opinion is personal, while instructions are impersonal. There is risk of damage to our psyche when we commit acts of vulnerability, and the more your truth varies from the norm, the greater the risk of shame and rejection.

Intimacy can come easily, especially when commonalities weave the lines of connection for you. Beware that sense of intimacy based on common goals, enemies, histories, or other shared experiences. Yes, they are a valid starting point but they all are pulling on external threads which only last so long. Commonalities create finite intimacy with a beginning and an end.

Why do we watch shows like Big Bang Theory, Friends, Seinfeld or Cheers? Not because of the comedy although laughter has a deep appeal. It’s the intimacy, of which laughter is part. It’s because the characters talk about nothing. The threads creating the intimacy between them are not coming from their environment although of course each episode includes outside factors which create finite intimacy. The threads of intimacy are being extruded from their minds and woven by trust, humour, vulnerability and compassion.

How often do you share pointless thoughts with people, Seinfeldian conversations? These are the Moments where you are seen and known because those conversations are about connecting, not about a topic. Those conversations allow intimacy through vulnerability since they showcase who you are when you have no objective, when the conversation is happening just for conversation’s sake.

Intimacy is easy to manufacture. Vulnerability cannot be faked. When the two of them are entwined the Moment is unforgettable.

Intimacy and Glass Houses

The sensation generated when you share a Moment with someone is a visceral intimacy. Electrifying and intense, it can change a simple exchange of pleasantries into a lingering mood of togetherness. A random encounter with a stranger in the produce section can fuel a desire to maintain the sensation beyond the grocery store.

Intimacy is a driving force in human nature. We want to bond, but more so, we want to share with others. True intimacy involves baring your deepest core self and allowing someone to see that which makes us who we are. Vulnerable and terrifying, true intimacy is rare and exhilarating.

Other types of intimacy emulate it but are only poor approximations of the communion of two souls. Physical intimacy, commonality intimacy, and emotional intimacy generate intense connections but those bonds only last as long as the conditions which generate them, unless an underlying spiritual bond scaffolds the superficial intimacies and gives them stability.

Physical intimacy is an easy fix for those lacking spiritual connections. The Moment generated by sensual merging and the delightful distraction of erotic pleasure approximate the profound wonder of souls in resonance. But the Moment is fleeting and leaves behind a saccharine aftertaste because the calories are empty thus lacking the nurturing sustenance the soul craves. When sensual intimacy occurs between bonded souls, the Moment lingers long after the act has ended, and the substance of the bond provides fodder even when the souls are apart. Sexual intimacy is not necessary for spiritual connection but certainly heightens it and conversely, gets mistaken for it.

Having a commonality generates a deep sense of connection which can easily be mistaken for authentic intimacy. Joining with someone in striving toward a shared goal provides kernels of closeness that grow as time passes until harvested when the goal reaches fruition. Although positive and mutually beneficial, there still exists a beginning and end for this type of bond thus it is superficial no matter how lasting. Same with the more insidious Common enemy bond. Uniting against a foe is intensely satisfying and feeds the need for balance and justice but again is a counterfeit connection with a start, process, and finite ending. Common goals and common enemies enhance the richness of a spiritual bond because growth happens via both of these processes but if the goal or enemy are the only connections then after the enemy is vanquished or the goal is attained, the souls lose their link and are left wondering where the intimacy went.

Emotional intimacy most closely emulates a true spiritual bond but because it is rooted in the fleeting emotions of the physical realm and unreliable emotional brain, these Moments also are not enduring. Trauma brings emotions into the Moment and carries them past their shelf life into the future where they don’t belong. Emotions are meant to inform about present social conditions and drive change, but get confused with identity and values. Emotional bonds form during shared Moments of fear or joy or satisfaction but the source of the bond was the environmental atmosphere generating the emotional response which forged a bond, rather than a bond forming between compatible souls which then was tempered like steel by the intense flames of trauma. Again, true intimacy can and does benefit from emotional connection but when the emotional bond forms first, under duress, before the spiritual bond has taken root, then the connection has a finite end when the emotional trigger is removed.

The search for intimacy is why so many people seek, knowingly or subconsciously, the emotional patterns of their past, to feel intimacy in any way they can. Or why gossip is so common and activism so popular. Or why casual sex is frequent.

We all want to connect. To bond. To belong with and to someone or something. It is part of our programming. But most our bonds are finite, task based or situational which is why they do not feel satisfying or sustaining.

Absolute intimacy requires absolute vulnerability. Baring the soul with no goal, no enemy, no emotional trigger, no sex and no gain is an act of pure compassion. Looking out at the world with open invitation, loving all comers, is to generate intimacy. Even so, there are still ways to protect yourself while being vulnerable.

Glass houses still offer shelter and comfort and protection. And those allowed to see the view from the outside are inspired by such graceful openness. Rather than cast stones, they will choose to build a glass house too.

Don’t trust anyone. Build walls. But love them anyway. Make those walls out of glass with large doors and a welcome mat.

Contempt, Compassion, and Empathy

Empathy really is a buzz word nowadays. It’s held up by many as the standard of excellence in emotional functioning and the antidote to contempt. Empathy is seen as a higher level of awareness and the solution to social ills. But there is a problem with this ideal.

Empathy is feeling someone else’s emotions as if they are your own. Although on the surface this would seem a noble and compassionate thing, especially when held up in contrast of contempt which is judgement of someone else’s emotions, to feel someone’s emotions is…well…immature, selfish and in fact a form of contempt!

This is not to say understanding someone’s feelings is inappropriate, not in the least. That is the root of compassion, which is a healthy respect for and awareness of the emotions of others.

But in its truest form, empathy is an example of someone with poor boundaries who is unable to distinguish between themselves and others thus feels a strong need to fix the problems for others in order to find peace themselves. Many empaths talk of being overwhelmed and taken advantage of, which is a way of blaming others for their failure to protect themselves by establishing healthy boundaries. To act to change someone else’s circumstances can often be a form of contempt because the message is you know better then they, the victims, do.

Contempt and callous disregard for the feelings of others is an easy target to disparage and the narcissist easy to blame for society’s ills. The person exhibiting contempt is demonstrating rigid boundaries with complete distinction between themselves and others, which is viewed as toxic and dysfunctional. True, there is an imbalance present in this way of coping and to reach authenticity and enlightenment a shift needs to happen away from a focus on the judgemental coping mechanisms into wise and compassionate processes. Yet empathy is not the answer either.

The empath is also often toxic and dysfunctional yet in a way deemed acceptable to society because the appearance of helpfulness and caring, yet the drive is just as internally motivated as the actions of the narcissist. There is an imbalance present here, too, and a shift away from the emotional coping mechanisms into wise and compassionate processes needs to happen.

Compassion does not mean your are suffering with the people you feel compassionate towards. They are not you and you are not them, their emotions are not yours to feel. But compassion does elicit discomfort when imbalance, injustice, or negativity is witnessed. Compassion involves the desire to see balance restored, in whatever form the victim might feel it needs to take. As soon as you decide what form restitution or balance must take, you are no longer being compassionate, you are being contemptuous. To demand anything on anyone’s behalf except your very own, is to show contempt of that person’s or groups’ ability to determine their own needs. And unless they asked for your help, you disempower them by taking up their cause unless you yourself are directly affected by the imbalance.

Don’t mistake activism for compassion and empathy for support. Those without voices do need to be heard, but unless you are one of the voiceless, your sounds will drown out the meaning of their silence. Speaking from a place of experience is the only way to drive change, and listening from a place of compassion if you are not the victim, is the only way to support change.

Monsters Within

All of us have monsters inside. Some people keep them on tight leashes, harnessed to pull them through the drifts and banks of stormy environments and haul them out of ruts.

Others hide their monsters so deep within they forget they have them until the creatures escape, wreaking havoc as they rampage out of control on the unsuspecting people who happen to be nearby when the walls crumble.

Yet others have caged them, letting the monsters see all the world but not allowing any freedom to work off the energy fed to them. The monsters shake those bars, and grumble and howl, but rarely do they get satisfaction thus neither does their master no matter how well the person seems to master their world.

A final group of people hide behind one or both of their monsters, never letting their true selves show so all the world experiences is the fierceness with none of the authenticity of the spirit within.

Monsters are a part of each of us. They need feed and care because their purpose is to protect us and work for us. There are two kinds of monsters inside our two material brains but none live inside our wise Eternal mind. Our true selves need their protection while tied to the Mattersphere and shed those skins when we leave the material world behind.

Logiticus, the cold, cruel calculating robot, lives inside our logical brain. Lacking emotions, this terminator comes out to defend perceived wrongs, avenge betrayals, and correct imbalance. When harnessed properly, Logiticus is an effective tool to operate successfully in our physical and social environment with its rules, laws, customs, and norms.

Moodasaurus, the wild animal, resides in the emotional mind and runs rampant in response to threats, fears, and pain. When harnessed properly Moodasaurus keeps us safe from danger, protects us from exploitation, and helps us navigate our physical and social environment with its rules, laws, customs, and norms.

Both exist for a reason, to help us. With proper training and exercise, they can be man’s best friend but mistreatment can lead them to bite the hand that feeds them. The first step in responsible ownership is to acknowledge their existence and become familiar with their needs. And then a productive partnership of mutual respect and admiration can begin.

Monsters are only monsters when you don’t understand them. Once you know them, you begin to love who and what they are and embrace them. The beast within has a beauty of its own.

Emotional Epilepsy

Epilepsy is a diagnosable condition with measurable symptoms, predictable triggers, and consistent patterns of behaviour. The condition arises from a systemic imbalance. Someone experiencing seizures loses control of themselves and can be dangerous to themselves and others. Treatments are available for many symptoms but the afflicted individual must choose to seek diagnostics, medical intervention, and support.

Emotional dysfunctions are diagnosable conditions with measurable symptoms, predictable triggers, and consistent patterns of behaviour. The condition arises from a systemic imbalance. Someone experiencing an emotional dysfunctional episode, an emotional seizure, loses control of themselves and can be dangerous to themselves and others. Treatments are available for many symptoms but the afflicted must choose to seek diagnostics, medical intervention, and support.

During a seizure, the person with epilepsy may involuntarily strike out at their surroundings, may become blind to dangers, may not be able to consciously safeguard themselves or others. If they were to injure a loved one during an uncontrolled seizure they would likely feel intense guilt and shame at the damage they did. Their loved one would not blame them for the behaviours whilst out of control of their body, yet would hold them accountable for seeking treatment, for creating effective coping strategies, for learning how to manage their outbursts in order to make the relationship safer for both of them. No expectations, only boundaries. If epilepsy goes unmanaged, the support person would be in constant risk.

During an emotional seizure, the person with emotional dysregulation may involuntarily strike out at their surroundings, may become blind to dangers, may not be able to consciously safeguard themselves or others. If they were to injure a loved one during an uncontrolled episode they would likely feel intense guilt and shame at the damage they did.

But that’s where the similarity tends to end, which is why mental illness so often grows, and passes on to another generation, accumulating shame, blame, and guilt with each new seizure.

Mental illness is painful for all who endure it as sufferers, victims, and witnesses. Just like epilepsy. But unlike epilepsy, it gets mistaken for a choice, judged as a lifestyle, and dismissed as unworthy of compassion or empathy. Yet like epilepsy, compassion, empathy and support constitute part of the treatment and are central to managing symptoms.

To support someone through epileptic seizures, you cannot pick and choose which symptoms are epileptic and which are not. You accept the whole and forgive what happens during a seizure, if you choose to interact with the person who is potentially unsafe for you because of their illness. To do otherwise is to judge and that puts imbalance between you. Better to keep boundaries between, not scales, and accept completely or let it be. Only you know if the relationship is worth the risk to your safety. No outsider can tell you that although they may try.

To support someone through emotional seizures, you cannot pick and choose which symptoms are choices and which are illness. You accept the whole and forgive what happens during a seizure, if you choose to interact with the person who is potentially unsafe for you because of their illness. To do otherwise is to judge and that puts imbalance between you. Better to keep boundaries between you, not scales, and accept completely or let it be. Only you will know if the relationship is worth the risk to your safety. No outsider can tell you although they might try.

Understanding epilepsy does not mean excusing the dangers of it or absolving people of the responsibility to manage it. But an informed perspective allows preparation for making a choice when a Moment of decision – stay or go – presents itself. Understanding is the foundation for compassion. Knowledge dispels fear and eases trauma. The wise mind guides decisions once the emotional and judgemental brains quiet down.

Understanding emotional dysfunctions does not mean excusing the dangers or absolving people of the responsibility to manage it. But an informed perspective allows preparation for making a choice when a Moment of decision- stay or go – presents itself. Understanding is the foundation for compassion. Knowledge dispels fear and eases trauma. The wise mind guides decisions once the emotional and judgemental brains quiet down.

Emotional abuse is not ok. But it is understandable. It has patterns, predictable triggers, and treatable behaviours. Hope for stability is what keeps people in abusive situations and hope is a precious, powerful force. To judge either party for having hope is to create greater imbalance while acceptance adds more hope and a sense of a safety net.

Triggers

Every single one of us plays, and is being played, like the Operation game. And that game board sits on a pivoting table in a boat in the middle of an ocean of emotional turmoil!

We all have our sensitive touch points, our triggers that make us aversive and obnoxious when we’ve been poked with carelessness or imbalance. That’s our feeling mind or judgemental brain having a knee jerk response to a perceived threat and bypassing our wise mind to send out a growling response in hopes the source of discomfort backs off.

Effective, no doubt! But since it also sets off alarms in the other players, such a response heightens everyone’s anxiety and distress. Plus so very often, the source of distress is a memory, an echo of a moment, not the reality of the present.

The tighter those operating spaces, the harder someone is to get along with, the more people avoid trying. Unfortunately that becomes a positive feedback cycle, a self-fulfilling prophecy because the more unpleasant a person is, the more people treat them with unpleasantness, the more intense their unpleasant responses become.

To escape the trauma drama of conditioned reflexive patterns requires stepping into the present in an intentional and mindful way. Seeing your own self from a distance and examining your Operation game to determine what spots you can safely widen, which triggers are legitimate boundaries that keep you in balance, and what parts of you can be cracked wide open and offered freely to any and all comers.

No expectations. Only boundaries. Don’t trust anyone but love them anyway.

We have every right to establish our boundaries but no right to growl and flare up and traumatize others without fair warning. In the Operation Game, the raw nerve edges are visible…and so are the contents of the target spaces. That makes it a fair game because the player can see the object actually exists and is available for pursuit, while they know what margins for error they have in the effort.

Life doesn’t come with that fairness so the only way one person learns to recognize the invisible bubble which is personal boundaries is to bounce up against it. To be fair, first offense demands a warning shot not a kill shot. That makes sense.

But that’s a loophole exploited by those whose elementary personality drives them to use others to either raise or lower their own energy level in their search for stability. Warning shots identify a boundary the first time. A second warning shot is no longer a warning, it’s a bluff, and becomes background noise. An expectation, not a boundary. Expectations are demands and demands are a type of resistance to Synergy and our purpose.

Examination of our personal triggers frees us from patterns of resistance, instability, and imbalance. We can set off our own raw edges just as easily as other people can. We must use our wise mind to calmly and serenely look upon our game play and remove our expectations of others while setting our boundaries. And then we need to offer our whole selves to others with open vulnerability, prepared both to gently advise when a boundary gets struck the first time, but firmly remove ourselves the Moment that same person intentionally chooses to touch that same boundary a second time. Boundaries protect our core selves. If we don’t enforce them, we lose who we are, we spurn that precious gift Synergy gave us, of curiosity and hope and joy.

A boundary is a plan of how to remove yourself from an unbalanced situation, not an action plan to stop the other people in the situation. You can’t control others, or situations any more than you can stop the boat rocking on the ocean during a storm. Yes, the patterns we have structured our Operation circuit board around do sometimes work to temporarily stabilize the game board but since those actions and reactions arise from feelings and judgements the balance is temporary. The eye of the storm. Setting the entire board game on the grounded Moment right Now keeps it level and firm for future game play.

Drama Queens and Production Kings

The closer an element is to stability, the more reactive it is.

The closer people are to being stable, the more volatile they are.

When something is so close to fruition, so very near fulfillment, the drive for completion is intense. When every new encounter could be the key, every corner turned the final one, of course you are going to wholeheartedly leap into every Moment with the expectation that THIS is the one!

Aye. There’s the rub.

Expectations. Of others. Of self. Of Synergy. Putting the burden on them to be what is needed for stability, rather than trusting that satisfaction is an ongoing long term process of sequential Moments accumulating the necessary energy for stability.

Granted, the passionate person has a greater likelihood of finding their passionate soulmate in one Moment, one first glance, than those with less volatility but the likelihood of false starts and misreads also increases exponentially.

Volatile elements are on a continuum called the Reactivity Series. Not all elements have the same affinity for electrons and so one type of atom can strip the electrons off another type of atom even if it is in a stable bond. This is the nature of elements. It is neither right nor wrong, it simply is the nature of the core structure of each element and the pattern card of how the element interacts with other atoms.

Volatile people can unsettle and unbalance even the most composed of individuals. Personalities so close to stability as to be volatile truly live in the moment, but not in a surrendered, accepting way. Each moment is experienced with passionate immersion but is not balanced upon the scaffold of all previous moments, instead experienced as a stand alone, without antecedents or consequence. The need in the moment strips the available energy, even if only temporary and unintended, and later regretted.

Moments, to be effective, must be lived intentionally or they are simply a missed opportunity. Drama Queens and Production Kings have a handle on embracing the moment but not the intentionality. So close they can taste it but it slips away and they don’t understand why.

So on to the next Moment.

Until they either meet a Noble gas which cannot be perturbed, and learn the resonance of true surrender and acceptance, or they discover their soul mate and stability, or they are forced inside themselves so deeply by trauma they reconnect with their wise mind and it guides them into intentionality.

Judgement and shame are not on any of these roads. We are what we are, our core structure and our coping strategies. Acceptance of that reality is necessary before stability can be attempted.

Volatile elements and volatile people are only a short but energetic leap away from satisfaction. It just has to be done with eyes wide open and blind faith.

Judgement Aside

We are who we are. There is no wrong nor right, good nor evil, bad nor good. There are consequences and fallout from our choices, and those cause balance or imbalance, satisfaction or dissatisfaction.

It is our short circuit which leads us to judge. That is not our role. Our role is to live with curiosity and hope, making choices in the Moment that will bring stability to our elemental personality and joy to our Eternal mind.

If we truly embrace Mindfulness and Enlightenment and follow through to the ultimate understanding of reality, then we have to accept that everything is as it has to be. Which means things we perceive as evil or wrong had to happen…thus they are not wrong, they are an adjustment to compensate for imbalance.

Each person acts to satisfy their needs in each moment. Some people are able to do so without cost to others, while some must do it at the expense of someone else. To shame people for these situations is to work against Synergy, to act in judgement and to take a position of superiority. Hubris.

Humility and acceptance cause no harm if given sincerely. False humility, that which feels hurt when not honoured or respected, is not authentic.

True surrender means being walked upon, being martyred, being vulnerable while still understanding there is purpose to the pain and beauty in the sacrifice.

All who live join Synergy in death, their Eternal consciousness freed from the sensory ties and judgements…and temptations…of reality. No matter what they did on Earth, they will find acceptance and comfort. Every act on Earth is an attempt to refine Datter and balance Matter, not elicit evil or judge worth.

To fight the short circuit, to forsake judgement and condemnation, to be open and vulnerable even to those known to exploit and violate, takes immense courage and faith.

And sometimes merely walking out the door in these uncertain times takes incredible courage and faith.

Courage and faith, and patience, get rewarded with peace and joy, in one lifetime or the next.

Walk with hope and curiosity, faith and courage, joy and happiness, and Synergy walks with you.

Meet Me at Eight

Adding or removing negative electrons from the outermost orbital cloud (the valence shell) is how atoms gain stability. The number of electrons they need to take or give determines their behaviour patterns in chemical reactions, but their patterns are consistent and predictable, occurring at repeated intervals hence the title Periodic (as in happening after a set period) Table!

Almost all elements achieve stability with 8 valence electrons. Helium needs only 2, all other Noble gases have 8 and most other elements want to be just like them.

Humans don’t want to be unstable. Volatile people are attempting to stabilize themselves by interacting with others in the pattern most consistent with their core need to either lift themselves up an energy level or drop themselves down. Just like reactive elements, when exposed to other elements they must react, unless they’ve form a stable bond with an appropriate partner and from that bond feel satisfaction and serenity.

Chemical bonds can form either by transferring negative charges (ionic), or by sharing them (covalent). Both types of bonds can meet the needs of the atoms involved but one type creates independent atoms while the other creates codependent atoms.

Humans can form bonds which allow them to operate independently of their partner, or bonds which require them to be intimately tied to and in close proximity to the one sharing energy.

A stable bond is built when each partner perfectly supports the energy needs of the other – opposite charges. A soulmate is the person who takes you to the energy level you need to be at, up or down, by either receiving what you need to give, or giving what you need to receive. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When exchange of energy has happened and created balance, the partners are free to be their core selves while sharing their lives.

If sharing energy but not near to each other, the codependent bond loses its stability and the people seek energy from the nearest compatible person. The bond feels strongly connected in person, with any person, in moments together but fades away when farther apart. Out of sight, out of mind. Because balance only is found in moments of connection, the partners are insecure and needy, requiring constant contact for energy sharing. Like attracting like but unable to be stable.

Sharing can be useful and productive but is not sustainable in the long run. True deep connection requires the vulnerability of give and take rather than an overlap of edges.