Intimacy and Glass Houses

The sensation generated when you share a Moment with someone is a visceral intimacy. Electrifying and intense, it can change a simple exchange of pleasantries into a lingering mood of togetherness. A random encounter with a stranger in the produce section can fuel a desire to maintain the sensation beyond the grocery store.

Intimacy is a driving force in human nature. We want to bond, but more so, we want to share with others. True intimacy involves baring your deepest core self and allowing someone to see that which makes us who we are. Vulnerable and terrifying, true intimacy is rare and exhilarating.

Other types of intimacy emulate it but are only poor approximations of the communion of two souls. Physical intimacy, commonality intimacy, and emotional intimacy generate intense connections but those bonds only last as long as the conditions which generate them, unless an underlying spiritual bond scaffolds the superficial intimacies and gives them stability.

Physical intimacy is an easy fix for those lacking spiritual connections. The Moment generated by sensual merging and the delightful distraction of erotic pleasure approximate the profound wonder of souls in resonance. But the Moment is fleeting and leaves behind a saccharine aftertaste because the calories are empty thus lacking the nurturing sustenance the soul craves. When sensual intimacy occurs between bonded souls, the Moment lingers long after the act has ended, and the substance of the bond provides fodder even when the souls are apart. Sexual intimacy is not necessary for spiritual connection but certainly heightens it and conversely, gets mistaken for it.

Having a commonality generates a deep sense of connection which can easily be mistaken for authentic intimacy. Joining with someone in striving toward a shared goal provides kernels of closeness that grow as time passes until harvested when the goal reaches fruition. Although positive and mutually beneficial, there still exists a beginning and end for this type of bond thus it is superficial no matter how lasting. Same with the more insidious Common enemy bond. Uniting against a foe is intensely satisfying and feeds the need for balance and justice but again is a counterfeit connection with a start, process, and finite ending. Common goals and common enemies enhance the richness of a spiritual bond because growth happens via both of these processes but if the goal or enemy are the only connections then after the enemy is vanquished or the goal is attained, the souls lose their link and are left wondering where the intimacy went.

Emotional intimacy most closely emulates a true spiritual bond but because it is rooted in the fleeting emotions of the physical realm and unreliable emotional brain, these Moments also are not enduring. Trauma brings emotions into the Moment and carries them past their shelf life into the future where they don’t belong. Emotions are meant to inform about present social conditions and drive change, but get confused with identity and values. Emotional bonds form during shared Moments of fear or joy or satisfaction but the source of the bond was the environmental atmosphere generating the emotional response which forged a bond, rather than a bond forming between compatible souls which then was tempered like steel by the intense flames of trauma. Again, true intimacy can and does benefit from emotional connection but when the emotional bond forms first, under duress, before the spiritual bond has taken root, then the connection has a finite end when the emotional trigger is removed.

The search for intimacy is why so many people seek, knowingly or subconsciously, the emotional patterns of their past, to feel intimacy in any way they can. Or why gossip is so common and activism so popular. Or why casual sex is frequent.

We all want to connect. To bond. To belong with and to someone or something. It is part of our programming. But most our bonds are finite, task based or situational which is why they do not feel satisfying or sustaining.

Absolute intimacy requires absolute vulnerability. Baring the soul with no goal, no enemy, no emotional trigger, no sex and no gain is an act of pure compassion. Looking out at the world with open invitation, loving all comers, is to generate intimacy. Even so, there are still ways to protect yourself while being vulnerable.

Glass houses still offer shelter and comfort and protection. And those allowed to see the view from the outside are inspired by such graceful openness. Rather than cast stones, they will choose to build a glass house too.

Don’t trust anyone. Build walls. But love them anyway. Make those walls out of glass with large doors and a welcome mat.

Schrodinging Everything

Hedge your bets and prepare for all eventualities with the hopes that things will come out hopping when Synergy finally presents the opportunity to open the darn box.

Greeting every day with curiosity, hope and acceptance means being ready for anything in any Moment. Being receptive to whatever springs up on you means you’ll never be disappointed with the chances you didn’t take, the opportunities you didn’t seize or the Moments you missed.

Assume all possibilities are open to you until the moment you know the truth.

This includes options you may perceive as negative. Don’t rule out failure or hurdles…in fact, count on them thus they won’t devastate you. Have Plan A, Plan B, in fact prepare the entire alphabet just in case. The more you understand the parameters and possible outcomes for every decision you face, the stronger your position for satisfaction in a perhaps unexpected form.

We don’t know what is best for ourselves. We don’t know what we need. We often don’t know who we even are, so how can we be certain what is in our best interests?

Synergy knows. But it’s up to us to accept her wisdom and be receptive to her gentle guidance. We blind ourselves with our thoughts and feelings, setting our hearts on things that were never meant to be, because we are trapped in our past or dreaming of our future.

Obstacles, barriers and disappointments are merely rungs on the ladder ascending toward enlightenment and true understanding of self, others, and the universe. Our purpose is to discover our purpose, which can’t be chosen, can’t be predicted, only unveiled.

Every decision has a Moment for making it. Not talking about it. Not planning it. Not dreaming about it. Those are not decisions, those are efforts. Until the Moment of Truth, efforts encompassing all possible outcomes yield the best return on Synergy’s investment in us. So, Schrodinger’s cat is both alive and dead, treat it as such until time to open the box!

Hopeful Assumptions

We are constantly forced to make assumptions. We are in frequent interactions with others but don’t always receive all the information we need to understand their behaviour by which to choose an appropriate and effective response.

Every single one of us makes judgements, has a running commentary in the back of our minds, forming opinions about those influencing our lives at the moment. This is completely natural and necessary as a safety mechanism to prep us to respond to the moment. To cue us for action based on the circumstances since obviously our behaviour amongst hostile individuals will be drastically different than when surrounded by unknowns or by family.

And there’s where problems can arise.

No expectations, only boundaries. Don’t trust anyone so accept that they have the potential to hurt you. But hope for the best and love them anyway.

We assume familiar people are safe, unfamiliar people may not be, and hostile people are dangerous.

When it comes to emotional wounds, those closest to us have the greatest power to hurt us and our assumption of safety puts both sides in a position of expected behaviour which can set them up for failure. Especially if there is emotional dysfunction present making even common courtesy fly out the window in moments of distress.

No adult is responsible for another adult’s well being; as much as we’d all like to assume others will not intentionally hurt us we must accept that they will, given the right set of circumstances. Even the best of us has a breaking point. And no matter how well you think you know someone, no matter how close you think you are to them, you will likely never see how close they are to shattering.

We must have no expectations that anyone will be able to protect us from their sharp edges and broken pieces. But to be a part of society or an organization or a family, we must love them anyway and make ourselves safely vulnerable to them with our boundaries in place. Our trust in them gives them hope that they are trustworthy, a priceless gift which Synergy gives to us every day. Our boundaries give us hope and responsibility for our own safety.

Trust means having no expectations, only boundaries. A boundary is an escape plan if things go wrong. It is not an expectation of behaviour, it is a planned, intentional response to misbehaviour. ‘If she yells at me one more time, I am walking out the door.’ A boundary does not need to be announced, approved, or accepted by others, but advising the perpetrator of their violation and the consequence can be a part of a boundary before acting on the escape plan.

Forwarning is not recommended for emotional abusers because boundaries feel like control to them – boundaries are not control of an abuser, they are control of the victim and since abuse is frequently about control, to assert a boundary shifts control from abuser to abused thus does truly represent a loss of control, control they never should have taken. To notify them they are losing control can trigger worse behaviour.

Assume the worst in any situation, prepare your mind for the worst, accept that the worst might happen, and figure out exactly how trusting this person might harm you. No risk? Great. High risk? Then what are you willing to gamble? Every action you take, if purposeful and deliberate, will have minimal risk with maximum satisfaction, if you surrender to the reality that you alone – with Synergy’s support and guidance – are obligated to take care of yourself. You cannot trust anyone to have your back, but you can hope they do. Cover your back as much as you can, before you give them the gift of exposing it to them. Vulnerability is a treasure that, when shared, increases immeasurably.

Hopeful assumptions mean you respond to the best scenario by allowing situations to play out naturally, only acting if you must. Love them anyway, unless they actually DO trigger the boundary but since you prepared yourself for that you were not surprised.

And if the outcome IS the best, then you get to be pleasantly surprised that your trust and hope were rewarded. Either way, the outcome was meant to be.

Two Wrongs may Make a Right

Life is about balance. When we are in balance Synergy rewards us with profound insight, peace, hope, and joy. We reward her with gratitude and curiosity. There is no right or wrong, only balance and imbalance.

But imbalance is everywhere and quickly disrupts even the most stoic and centered of us. Cycles of negativity and patterns of toxicity persist through generations, accumulating in our collective psyche like mercury bioaccumulates in fish.

We can restore balance by piling positives on our scale, which is how most people approach the issue. Sadly, this becomes an exercise in frustration because the ratio of positives to outweigh negatives can be intimidating and exhausting. It always seems to take so much more effort to build up than to tear down! Especially when intentionally seeking to restore balance this way on a personal, community, or global scale. At times, these efforts can bear fruit with immense energy expended on righting wrongs and mending fences.

We see those as right, actions that benefit others. We see as wrong actions that harm others. This is the way it should be, where things which bring us all lasting pleasure are sought and those which bring any of us pain are resisted. But we live in a deeply flawed world where all are out of balance.

Where some turn to the second way of restoring balance – transferring negativity onto someone else! Projection, rejection, abuse, murder, crime. These are all strategies to alleviate imbalance, used by those unable or unwilling to restore their inner peace by cultivating positive balance through trust, curiosity, and surrender. It is so very easy, and admittedly, so very satisfying to give in to the impulses which hurt others. At times, these efforts can bear fruit when perpetrators become victims and learn lessons from having done to them what they had done to others.

We try so hard!

And there’s the trick! To not TRY to restore balance with intention or thought or purpose. Doing so is a type of resistance to what is. Trying to save the world won’t save you. Trying to save your neighbour won’t save you. Trying to save your child won’t save you.

Synergy will guide you through restoring your inner peace and calm once you surrender to her wisdom. Surrendering actually clears the weights, alleviates the burden of imbalance for you! Once you release the pain of your emotional response to the wounds of the world and yourself. Once you accept that everything around you is the way it had to be in order for you to become what you are meant to be. Only then you will see what you need to do today to begin your journey to optimal function and ultimate peace. Everything you need already waits to be discovered, hidden in the story of your life. Your balance is unique to your needs but crucial to healing our universe and restoring the net balance.

Yes, the world has suffered. Cruel, terrible things have happened, causing pain to so many. Sharing in that pain through commiseration does not serve a higher purpose of learning from the pain. Resenting the perpetrators and sickening yourself with anger and bile does not heal the imbalance which allowed horrible things to twist our world away from joy, gratitude, and playfulness. The net balance is Synergy’s to manipulate, not ours to judge. Judgement clouds purpose and absconds with playfulness.

Accept the horrors that are. Be present in this moment to understand what it feels like. Listen for Synergy to tell you what you can do to balance yourself which will help balance the world. You can’t effect change from a position of imbalance or hypocrisy. If you are not living a life of joy, curiosity and surrender, your efforts to change the world are simply another expression of resistance which exacerbates the conditions rather than alleviates them!

We are where we are. The culmination of millenia of imbalance. But we have this moment of global pause from which to restore peace, joy, and playfulness. Two wrongs may sometimes make a right.

A Moment of Choice

Every moment of every day, we have choices. Just because the outcome of a choice is unpleasant does not revoke our ability to choose. There is always a choice, including inaction which is the choice to surrender to the will of others.

Surrender is at times an excellent choice and one we were designed to do. Surrender is not giving up or giving in, it is giving trust to Synergy. To surrender is to accept what is, and to allow the moment to proceed as it needs to until a moment of meaningful choice presents itself.

What defines a moment of choice? The immediacy of action. If I ‘choose’ today to get a medical degree, that is not truly a meaningful choice in this moment because I cannot GET the degree right here and now. Thus this choice is not binding to me, there is not an ultimate immediate result from the perceived choice. It is a wish, not a choice.

A moment of choice is that instant when you recognize action is possible. When you feel the power of potential and promise permeate your brain, screaming ‘Now! Do it now!’ In the movies, you see the hero saying ‘Wait for it…wait for it…’ That truly happens in real life as well but only if you’ve surrendered to Synergy and have faith in yourself to recognize the when you have been waiting for.

True choice is about seeing an opportunity when it happens and being prepared to follow through on it then and there. It is about closing your eyes and diving in if that is what feels like the right decision in that moment. True choices are made in a moment of true connection with the universe and are rewarded by amazing results even if everyone else was unable to understand or relate to the choice being made. Those who surrender to Synergy are the ones who seem to always be in the right place at the right time to make the right choice.

That is not a coincidence.

Visualizing verses Awaiting

‘Tell the universe what you want!’

‘Ask for what you need!’

‘Set goals and go for them’

Great advice? No…hubris.

We are but children playing at understanding what we want and need. A toddler may very clearly state she wants to eat candy all day, and her desire to do so is valid and real, but we as a parent know that she is unable to understand the biological needs which render her wish inappropriate. So we ignore the immature perspective, place a nutritious and hopefully artfully prepared and playfully enjoyed meal in front of the child to coax her to partake of what she needs rather than what she wants. Yet, a good parent does not stuff the food down her throat nor punish her for her innocent attraction to sweet and pleasurable fare.

Synergy knows what each of us needs in every moment. She sets the table for us. Yet so many remain blind to the sumptuous repast because of the fixation upon what we think we desire.

When we visualize our goals, we are the toddler fantasizing about lollipops and gum drops. When we specify what we want, we are demanding obedience from a parent who knows what is best for us, and in doing so we fail to be open and ready to feast upon the opportunity generously served to us at the periphery of our tunnel vision.

Greeting each moment with open curiosity about how our current needs will be met creates panoramic vision. Trusting Synergy to provide for us rather then instructing her to do so leaves room for us to learn from her. This does not mean doing nothing. This means being ready to do anything! This does not mean having no goals. This means being prepared to seize any goal in the moment it becomes accessible to you.

Each moment is an escape room puzzle that, if you read the clues properly, lifts you into another level in the next moment. A scaffold to take you to your highest potential. Only Synergy knows what that is, so don’t put blinders on by narrowing your options through setting premature parameters and binding boundaries.

Look around every moment and learn to recognize the tools, gifts, clues and synchronicities unique to your life journey. And then make use of them to discover what opportunity awaits you! It’s what we were designed to do.