Pain and Suffering

Pain is part of the price of admission for living, for growing character and resilience. Suffering is voluntary and arises from resistance to the reality that people will disappoint your expectations, goals will fail to fulfill you, and you will let yourself down when you turn out not to be who you believed you were.

No expectations, only boundaries. Even for your own mind and body. Surrender your self-expectations, too, allowing instead discovery of your purpose. That is how to avoid suffering.

Physical and emotional pain only interfere with life if we allow them to. We hear stories about mind over matter and admire feats of courage where someone overcomes great discomfort in moments of crisis. Are those people different? Do they have a gift?

No, they were present in the Moment and received strength and tools to escape the situation using their own existing core emotional and physical structure. They were not distracted by doubts or fears of not being good enough or making mistakes.

Pain arises from imbalance. Physical imbalance comes from structural or chemical deviations from optimum. One person’s source of pain is not the same as another’s, a debilitating deficit for me is not a source of dysfunction for you. Addressing them requires the use of all the escape room tools and resources available in your situation. The process of healing the imbalance must start from inside yourself, from identifying what it feels like. Physical suffering sometimes comes from the uncertainty and fear of not being able to articulate the nature, quality and parameters of the pain, not necessarily the dysfunction itself.

Emotional imbalance comes from social and relationship deviations from optimum. One person’s source of emotional pain is not the same as another’s, a debilitating toxicity for me may not be a source of dysfunction for you. The process of healing the imbalance must start from inside yourself, from identifying what it feels like. Emotional suffering sometimes comes from the uncertainty and fear of not being able to articulate the nature, quality and parameters of the pain, not necessarily the dysfunction itself.

Each of us is individual and unique. Sometimes we suffer because we are told we should, because another person experienced pain in a similar situation. Pain is subjective, it is in the mind, and can be used for growth.

All pain has purpose. No suffering does. Giving meaning and reason to pain alleviates suffering. Spending a Moment to investigate the pain with curiosity and acceptance will reveal to you the purpose. Embrace the pain, because at the moment it is your reality and all that is, is as it must be.

And, if you have been suffering…forgive yourself. That moment is over and a new one just beginning.

Hopeful Assumptions

We are constantly forced to make assumptions. We are in frequent interactions with others but don’t always receive all the information we need to understand their behaviour by which to choose an appropriate and effective response.

Every single one of us makes judgements, has a running commentary in the back of our minds, forming opinions about those influencing our lives at the moment. This is completely natural and necessary as a safety mechanism to prep us to respond to the moment. To cue us for action based on the circumstances since obviously our behaviour amongst hostile individuals will be drastically different than when surrounded by unknowns or by family.

And there’s where problems can arise.

No expectations, only boundaries. Don’t trust anyone so accept that they have the potential to hurt you. But hope for the best and love them anyway.

We assume familiar people are safe, unfamiliar people may not be, and hostile people are dangerous.

When it comes to emotional wounds, those closest to us have the greatest power to hurt us and our assumption of safety puts both sides in a position of expected behaviour which can set them up for failure. Especially if there is emotional dysfunction present making even common courtesy fly out the window in moments of distress.

No adult is responsible for another adult’s well being; as much as we’d all like to assume others will not intentionally hurt us we must accept that they will, given the right set of circumstances. Even the best of us has a breaking point. And no matter how well you think you know someone, no matter how close you think you are to them, you will likely never see how close they are to shattering.

We must have no expectations that anyone will be able to protect us from their sharp edges and broken pieces. But to be a part of society or an organization or a family, we must love them anyway and make ourselves safely vulnerable to them with our boundaries in place. Our trust in them gives them hope that they are trustworthy, a priceless gift which Synergy gives to us every day. Our boundaries give us hope and responsibility for our own safety.

Trust means having no expectations, only boundaries. A boundary is an escape plan if things go wrong. It is not an expectation of behaviour, it is a planned, intentional response to misbehaviour. ‘If she yells at me one more time, I am walking out the door.’ A boundary does not need to be announced, approved, or accepted by others, but advising the perpetrator of their violation and the consequence can be a part of a boundary before acting on the escape plan.

Forwarning is not recommended for emotional abusers because boundaries feel like control to them – boundaries are not control of an abuser, they are control of the victim and since abuse is frequently about control, to assert a boundary shifts control from abuser to abused thus does truly represent a loss of control, control they never should have taken. To notify them they are losing control can trigger worse behaviour.

Assume the worst in any situation, prepare your mind for the worst, accept that the worst might happen, and figure out exactly how trusting this person might harm you. No risk? Great. High risk? Then what are you willing to gamble? Every action you take, if purposeful and deliberate, will have minimal risk with maximum satisfaction, if you surrender to the reality that you alone – with Synergy’s support and guidance – are obligated to take care of yourself. You cannot trust anyone to have your back, but you can hope they do. Cover your back as much as you can, before you give them the gift of exposing it to them. Vulnerability is a treasure that, when shared, increases immeasurably.

Hopeful assumptions mean you respond to the best scenario by allowing situations to play out naturally, only acting if you must. Love them anyway, unless they actually DO trigger the boundary but since you prepared yourself for that you were not surprised.

And if the outcome IS the best, then you get to be pleasantly surprised that your trust and hope were rewarded. Either way, the outcome was meant to be.

Competition and Mating

Synergy’s Batter is limitless and all Matter draws energy from it. Found everywhere, this energy sustains Matter. Synergy animates everything, everywhere.

Eidolon’s Datter is as old as time and grows without limit. Found everywhere, it records and catalogues how Synergy’s energy behaves in Matter and how Matter interacts. Eidolon observes and influences everything, everywhere.

Animate and inanimate objects all have energy but living things specifically have consciousness albeit of varying levels. That bidirectional link with Synergy and Eidolon is the source of the will to survive and propagate. With each new generation more Batter is converted into Matter at the moment of creation of a new organism whether single celled or enormously complex.

With complexity came competition for material resources. Energy and Matter can only enter the Mattersphere in very specific ways thus the existing supplies are valuable. This pressure generates curiosity and learning but also imbalance when there is a lack. Over time Synergy learned to offer opportunities for sustenance and growth without direct interference, just like all good mothers. Balance is not a total absence of challenge but rather the optimal ratio of satisfaction and a driven curiosity.

Sexual reproduction created even more complexity and competition as the female of each species is the limiting factor, the only vehicle through which Batter converts to Matter. At the moment of conception, the offspring is linked up to Synergy and Eidolon to both receive Datter and submit it to the collective consciousness. This link is what we call the soul.

Females become connections, portals between the layers of the Attersphere, during conception. This connection can be felt during ovulation and even detected as a sometimes apparently unfathomable feminine appeal to all the senses. The female mystique comes from a closeness to Synergy and Eidolon when able to create a new living soul. The preciousness of that gift generates a drive to accept it and in that moment of acceptance feel Presence.

Hopium

The quest for satisfaction is addictive because it is fuelled by hope. Don’t mistake this as searching for better although at times the two can be synonymous. Satisfaction can be found in familiarity whereas there may always be a perception that the unfamiliar is better.

Satisfaction is derived in limitless ways, as varied as the individuals experiencing the sensation. Some find deep satisfaction working with nature and exploring with hopeful curiosity the properties and principles of animals, plants, and the living world. Others take profound pleasure in the skillful operation of their body and perform feats of endurance, prowess, or strength. Yet another group delights in adventures of the mind, delving into the nature of the universe.

Satisfaction does not require external success, recognition or rewards and indeed those things are sometimes anathema to true contentment. A humble subsistence farmer may find everything needed for sincere joy without ever stepping foot off the property.

Hope is the driving force behind questing for satisfaction and is a symptom of discontent with the situation at a personal, local, or global level. Hope is a beautiful encouragement from Synergy that greater fulfillment is available and that she’s setting the table for you. The act of seeking is exciting and gratifying when on the right trail, and actually comes easily if attentive to the synchronicities and gifts left waiting to be discovered.

Satisfaction is an internal state of mind. Hope also. They are not mutually exclusive because you can be – in fact, you MUST be – satisfied with where you are before you will truly be able to see where you are next meant to be, if anywhere! Hoping for satisfaction without specifying what form it takes is a delightful exercise in curiosity and playfulness because you can be surprised each and every day by the gifts you receive exactly where you are.

Acceptance opens the door to satisfaction, as these two things are also not the same. Acceptance is a type of resignation, of recognition and ownership, while satisfaction is a sense of pleasurable well being.

Learn to be addicted to Hopium and you will find great things waiting for your open curious mind every single day.

Offense verses Defence

Surrender does not necessitate victimhood. Acceptance does not require acquiescence if the moment includes opportunity and tools for defending boundaries.

Again the distinction between expectations and boundaries is crucial. An expectation puts action in the hands of others and is a matter of offensive momentum, creating situations rather than responding to them. To expect someone to meet your expectations is to demand compliance from them and gives them power over your interactions.

A boundary puts action in your hands and is defensive momentum, responding to situations rather than creating them. To expect someone to respect your boundaries is to reward compliance with your ongoing involvement with them, and gives you power over the interaction.

The best offense is a good defence. The high ground is least vulnerable to attack. Every situation has a degree of vulnerability because no two people are completely the same. Most elements on the Periodic table are reactive in the presence of other atoms, even their own kind, with the exception of the Noble Gases which react reluctantly under exceptional conditions. The moment we leave the safety of our own company, when we may need to assert boundaries and respond to the actions of others, we become volatile and reactive unless we exert Noble control.

Reflecting on your boundaries, understanding your limits and your chosen consequences of non-compliance by others, puts you in a defensive position. Awareness of the tools available in the escape room at the moment will guide your defence. Synergy has your back if you trust her. But as soon as you SEEK retribution, as soon as you procure tools rather than accept the ones Synergy offers you when the time is right, you move from a defensive position to an offensive one.

Offense generates resistance. Defence slides through resistance to the core of the purpose Synergy has given the situation. Whether in court proceedings, romance, business, sports, or everyday life, timing is everything and a defensive, open, and curious position at the key moment defines many a rousing win.

Martyr or Manipulator?

We are designed to serve. Serve ourselves, each other, a greater good. The urge to give of ourselves arises from this instinct and underwrites so many great selfless acts of compassion and hope. The synergy between people can be felt when hearing stories of incredible generosity and altruistic sacrifice.

But the flip side to this coin is the manipulator disguised as the martyr. The apparent selfless act without expectation of recompense but upon completion an emotional invoice is issued and hefty interest charged on that balance with no rules about the collection or even the value of the service rendered.

When someone does something for you which you did not request, it often is not kind and generous. It may be a statement of contempt. It frequently is an expression of the idea they know better than you, and are attempting to control your behaviour through passive aggression under the guise of benevolence. Only your patterns and history with that person can tell you how sincere the act is but if your gut screams that there’s a price, make no mistake you will receive an invoice.

An offering of service is only sincere if the terms and conditions are clear. There is absolutely nothing wrong with exchanging service! Part of our journey is learning how to cooperate with others to get our needs met while not interfering with the needs of others and fair trade is a wonderfully satisfying way to interact.

Where problems arise is within the ambiguity of an offer hiding a cost. A sale masquerading as a gift. Our instinct is to take at face value what seems to be generously offered because Synergy designed us to accept her gifts to us and surrender to her guidance. Thus a gift from someone is a gift from Synergy, but sometimes it is to teach us a lesson in discernment.

It is painful, disappointing and uncomfortable to accept a gift and discover you unwittingly committed to a transaction. To surrender to the inherent lesson is the only way to escape the pain of that trauma, the pain of resisting the truth. The truth is, everyone is capable of hurting you and disappointing you so you must always be prepared to discover a price on all interactions. True connection requires true vulnerability. Do not condemn the giver for a gift they needed to collect a fee on. They do not know any better and need your acceptance rather than your resistance.

A gift received is not an obligation created, not without your cooperation.

And beware your own hidden price tags! Do you look for thanks? Appreciation? Acknowledgment? Do you feel the urge to punish for good deeds gone unseen? These have value, are emotional coin. If you are sincere, then your offer of service is the satisfaction. Again, it is just fine to look for approval and accolades but be honest with yourself and others that you are seeking coin.

It is ok to protect your most sacred self from harm using boundaries, of course. Boundaries involve removing yourself from exposure to risk of these transactions, but do not involve controlling the behaviour of others. You cannot control others, you cannot stop their offerings. Expectations are attempts at control.

Don’t trust anyone. But love them anyway.

No expectations. Only boundaries.

Compassion – A Different Kind of Pain

Aggression says ‘get up from there’ while standing on top of you.

Passive aggression says ‘let me help you get up from there’ while standing on top of you.

Sympathy says ‘it looks awful down there’ while standing beside you.

Empathy says ‘it sucks down here’ while laying beside you.

Compassion says ‘get out of here’ while taking your place.

Compassion is the deepest form of love and shows no regard for sex, age, race, or religion. It offers no resistance to abuse or trauma or dysfunction because it knows those who are in the greatest pain cause the most pain.

Living in the moment fills you with intense compassion because if you are not holding on to the past nor grasping at the future, you are able to treat the present moment with love, curiosity, hope and joy no matter how badly you’ve been wounded by those spending that moment with you.

Both living in the moment and living with compassion take incredible strength, courage, and endurance. The drain of allowing yourself to be vulnerable to exploitation is at times overwhelming and isolating. Keeping faith that all will be well and perseverance rewarded by peace and joy can be so excruciatingly wearisome.

But the reward always comes. You cannot ask or expect a certain form of reward – that’s a transaction, not compassion- but the pieces needed for fulfillment in your life will follow acts of brave compassion like rainbows follow rainstorms.

Unrepentant? That’s ok!

True unconditional acceptance must be exactly that. It does not require the participation of the beneficiary. Synergy does not require confession or atonement. She does not demand recognition or obedience. These are constructs arising from overthinking, from judgement, from the disconnect between Eidolon, Matter and Synergy.

Everything and everyone is welcome. Religion is not the will of the universe, but rather an echo of the universal truths put into material context. Even if you don’t believe in an intelligent design, you will return to the collective consciousness. Even if your material existence was filled with negativity and you caused others pain, you will be balanced and not punished. Because truly Synergy created each of us thus has ultimate responsibility for our actions so how can she reject us for her failure to elicit satisfaction, understanding, curiosity, gratitude and hope?

When a teacher has students failing in the classroom, they can either examine how they teach and grow from that reflection, or they can blame the student and remain stagnant in their hubris.

Synergy is the ultimate mother, the ultimate teacher. She tries, tries, and tries again to figure out how best to share the vast knowledge contained in Eidolon. Yet few of us grasp her presence and even fewer fully accept and surrender to her will. Don’t mistake piousness and abstention for understanding. It is easy to think you understand something by thinking on it but only those living life to the fullest- meaning exposure to all of its problems and passions – are able to clearly speak from the Eternal mind.

Hypocrisy destroys even the most accurate messages. Judgement drowns out even the most sincere of lessons. Sincerity and authenticity are tangible not only in eyes and voice, but even in print. The words of so many sound wonderful but feel just a bit off, like shoes that just don’t quite fit right as you walk in them but you can’t place exactly why. Because of the undercurrent of fear, judgement and resistance that permeates so much of our lives but are not blatant nor intentional.

There is no right or wrong. Let go of all judgement. This does not mean take actions in the future which intentionally cause imbalance in others – since we’re all connected that causes imbalance in yourself – but don’t hold on to what has happened to bring the world to this moment, don’t blame yourself or others. Take responsibility for what actions you can take every moment of your life from this moment forward, and only look back for information if necessary, not for recrimination. No repentance required!

Keeping Score

Keeping score is natural! That’s exactly what balance is. But our mistake is in seeking balance from those who unsettled us, expecting restitution from the ones who hurt us.

Admittedly, that is the most direct and satisfying way to restore balance. The one who broke us best knows what they broke, how they broke it, and how best to put it back together. This is why we so passionately seek healing from the source of our pain. But those who hurt others are themselves hurting thus are not equipped for reparation unless they too are ready for repair.

Synergy gives us all the tools we need to restore balance when it’s been stripped from us. Whether through no fault of our own, or because of our poor decisions and resistance to her will, she forgives all and accepts us unconditionally. We don’t need to ask for forgiveness or apologize to her, we don’t need to worship or praise her. We just need to listen to her gentle guidance and accept her generous gifts which surround us.

Satisfaction in life does not require religious practice or atonement or penance for past imbalance. Acceptance is complete surrender to the idea that everything, including the past, had to happen to culminate in the powerful moment which is here and now.

Globally, locally or individually the scoreboard needs to be reset to net zero before we can have balance at any level. We need not only to forgive ourselves this day, but everyone else in the world no matter how heinous their actions. Truly embracing mindfulness and enlightenment means ultimately EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING at this moment is EXACTLY how it was meant to be, that necessary things are in place.

Judgement is resistance to what is. Resistance is the source of imbalance and pain. Judgement does not create solutions nor hope for better. Acceptance and open curious reflection do. Keeping score is a judgement of the past which inhibits the power of the present moment, the only place where balance can be found.

Balance can’t arise from the past or future. It can only be grasped in the now. Synergy lays it out for us every moment, offering to heal us with what she knows is best for us so long as we aren’t fixated on what restitution we see as fitting.

Look around. What have you been offered today as a gift from Synergy? Is it my words you stumbled upon? An unexpected contact who lifted your spirits? A rainbow when you needed it? She’s there, sending you her love. Like a mother, she demands nothing in return but for you to accept her support and let her cradle you in peace and satisfaction.

Two Wrongs may Make a Right

Life is about balance. When we are in balance Synergy rewards us with profound insight, peace, hope, and joy. We reward her with gratitude and curiosity. There is no right or wrong, only balance and imbalance.

But imbalance is everywhere and quickly disrupts even the most stoic and centered of us. Cycles of negativity and patterns of toxicity persist through generations, accumulating in our collective psyche like mercury bioaccumulates in fish.

We can restore balance by piling positives on our scale, which is how most people approach the issue. Sadly, this becomes an exercise in frustration because the ratio of positives to outweigh negatives can be intimidating and exhausting. It always seems to take so much more effort to build up than to tear down! Especially when intentionally seeking to restore balance this way on a personal, community, or global scale. At times, these efforts can bear fruit with immense energy expended on righting wrongs and mending fences.

We see those as right, actions that benefit others. We see as wrong actions that harm others. This is the way it should be, where things which bring us all lasting pleasure are sought and those which bring any of us pain are resisted. But we live in a deeply flawed world where all are out of balance.

Where some turn to the second way of restoring balance – transferring negativity onto someone else! Projection, rejection, abuse, murder, crime. These are all strategies to alleviate imbalance, used by those unable or unwilling to restore their inner peace by cultivating positive balance through trust, curiosity, and surrender. It is so very easy, and admittedly, so very satisfying to give in to the impulses which hurt others. At times, these efforts can bear fruit when perpetrators become victims and learn lessons from having done to them what they had done to others.

We try so hard!

And there’s the trick! To not TRY to restore balance with intention or thought or purpose. Doing so is a type of resistance to what is. Trying to save the world won’t save you. Trying to save your neighbour won’t save you. Trying to save your child won’t save you.

Synergy will guide you through restoring your inner peace and calm once you surrender to her wisdom. Surrendering actually clears the weights, alleviates the burden of imbalance for you! Once you release the pain of your emotional response to the wounds of the world and yourself. Once you accept that everything around you is the way it had to be in order for you to become what you are meant to be. Only then you will see what you need to do today to begin your journey to optimal function and ultimate peace. Everything you need already waits to be discovered, hidden in the story of your life. Your balance is unique to your needs but crucial to healing our universe and restoring the net balance.

Yes, the world has suffered. Cruel, terrible things have happened, causing pain to so many. Sharing in that pain through commiseration does not serve a higher purpose of learning from the pain. Resenting the perpetrators and sickening yourself with anger and bile does not heal the imbalance which allowed horrible things to twist our world away from joy, gratitude, and playfulness. The net balance is Synergy’s to manipulate, not ours to judge. Judgement clouds purpose and absconds with playfulness.

Accept the horrors that are. Be present in this moment to understand what it feels like. Listen for Synergy to tell you what you can do to balance yourself which will help balance the world. You can’t effect change from a position of imbalance or hypocrisy. If you are not living a life of joy, curiosity and surrender, your efforts to change the world are simply another expression of resistance which exacerbates the conditions rather than alleviates them!

We are where we are. The culmination of millenia of imbalance. But we have this moment of global pause from which to restore peace, joy, and playfulness. Two wrongs may sometimes make a right.