The Shine of Stability

Have you ever met someone and they radiated contentment, compassion and acceptance? Without saying a word, they made you feel safe and secure? Did you find yourself fascinated by them, unable to look away as they went about their life? Were you surprised to catch yourself saying things you never thought you’d say or sharing your innermost thoughts after only the briefest of connection?

That is what it feels like to be around someone who is elementally stable and neutral. Someone living in the Moment. Someone who’s surrendered to the present and has no expectations of those around them, only boundaries. They shine with serenity, vulnerability, and hope and it is infectious and appealing. They shine with Synergy.

Some people are naturally born with greater stability in their core structure, meaning they can be neutral not only when alone but also interacting with others, and have always been that way. On the Periodic Table the elements displaying this calm, peaceful behaviour even in the presence of other atoms, the family of elements on the right, are known as the Noble Gases. Group (1)8, with 8 electrons in the boundary energy cloud.

Noble meaning non-reactive. Stable. Not volatile. The clouds of electrons surrounding the Noble gases are satisfied, meaning they do not need to discharge negativity or collect it. The stability of Noble gases is what all other elements are striving for via volatility and reactivity. Every atom wants to feel the fullness of satisfaction, the contentment of completion, and is capable of attaining it.

Both positives and negatives exist in every atom and every personality. They must, because balance requires opposing forces. The Noble Gases are electrically balanced and internally stable. Only in extreme circumstances will they react with other substances. Their behaviour is the same when in isolation and when exposed to the environment.

Noble Gases are used to light up neon signs, fill helium balloons, even prevent reactions between other elements.

People with stability and serenity play a similar role, lighting up others, lifting their spirits, and insulating them from volatility.

Other elements become like Noble gases through forming bonds, through developing relationships and interactions, in order to either release negativity or to collect it.

People too become stable by forming bonds, developing relationships and interactions, aspiring to find satisfaction and live in the Moment.

Clouds of Negativity

Atoms have a positive nucleus, a core of protons balled up a bit like our sun, while clouds of negative electrons orbit the nucleus similar to planets (well, more like asteroid belts) orbiting the sun. The charges of an atom add up evenly to make the atom energy neutral when it exists alone in a vacuum. Neutral does not mean stable, though. Stability on an atomic level comes from satisfaction within the electron clouds.

Most humans are also a mix of positive and negative emotional charges and are vulnerable to giving or receiving negativity in interactions with other people in an attempt to find satisfaction and stability. A rare few are so internally stable that no matter what is going on around them, they don’t transfer negativity and in fact bring those around them relief and protection from emotional volatility.

Expose most atoms to other atoms and they react to one degree or another over time, because most atoms are vulnerable to either losing or gaining electrons. A small number of atom types are so internally balanced that they never lose or gain negativity except in the rarest, most exceptional circumstances and are often used to insulate other elements from the environment.

Balance and stability requires the equalization of opposing forces. It is not about the eradication of negativity, it is about accepting the presence of negativity and finding ways to counterweight it.

Chemical reactivity comes from a lack, from empty spots in the outside layer of the electron clouds surrounding every atom. Atoms lacking enough electrons, enough negative energy, desperately seek to change that imbalance. The magic number is eight, with few exceptions, and elements just shy of 8 electrons in their peripheral energy cloud will grab onto the nearest negativity to fill themselves up. While elements with few electrons in the outer shell will give them away to drop down to the lower energy level for stability.

People either try to elevate or lift themselves up to the next energy level or drop themselves down to the one below. They use people and things around them, either boosting themselves, or boosting others.

It’s elemental!

Spiteful Pleasure?

We’re told to feel guilt and shame for the thoughts in our head. We self-chastise for offenses we didn’t commit, merely imagined. But…really…it’s NOT the thought that counts.

Thoughts and feelings are mere shadows in the Mattersphere, somewhat perceptible but not able to take action on their own. You are your actions, not your thoughts, in the material world. Even in the Eternal world, you are not your thoughts because thoughts are data fragments floating around in our local hard drive brain, they were not supposed to take up residence! They will not follow us in the present moment or in death.

Ever taken spiteful malicious pleasure in someone else’s misfortune and then felt awful afterward? Even though you had nothing to do with their circumstances and did not bring about their pain, did you feel guilt and criticize yourself for not being a good person?

Why?

What did you DO to deserve your self-condemnation?

You had a thought.

That thought was satisfying to you. Remove judgement from it, because judgement is a construct better left to Eternity. The thought was not malicious or spiteful. It was simply a thought, and your satisfaction in it simply satisfaction. Accept both without guilt or shame.

Synergy created us to be curious and hopeful and to seek satisfaction. Feelings are supposed to be sensory responses to the social environment, not tied to our internal environment. Thoughts are meant to pre-process Datter, and then disappear, not get stuck in loops of thought – feeling – thought – feeling.

The short circuit of our self-awareness makes us judge ourselves about the sources of satisfaction and pleasure, whether a thought or an act, and then society perpetuates that judgement. Notice children have no shame or guilt? If you learn to live in the Moment and accept your thoughts as simply information triggered by the events and circumstances around you, and you let go of contempt and criticism of those thoughts, and even of past behaviours. Did you hurt someone? Let it go but don’t do it in another Moment. Did someone hurt you? Let it go but keep safe boundaries in another Moment.

When you occupy the Now, there is no wrong or right. There is acceptance, curiosity, hope, joy, growth and gratitude. No matter whether the Moment includes pain and strife or ease and comfort, acceptance and satisfaction can be found. Every one of us is trying to survive the best we can in each moment, and each moment is what it needs to be.

Pain and Suffering

Pain is part of the price of admission for living, for growing character and resilience. Suffering is voluntary and arises from resistance to the reality that people will disappoint your expectations, goals will fail to fulfill you, and you will let yourself down when you turn out not to be who you believed you were.

No expectations, only boundaries. Even for your own mind and body. Surrender your self-expectations, too, allowing instead discovery of your purpose. That is how to avoid suffering.

Physical and emotional pain only interfere with life if we allow them to. We hear stories about mind over matter and admire feats of courage where someone overcomes great discomfort in moments of crisis. Are those people different? Do they have a gift?

No, they were present in the Moment and received strength and tools to escape the situation using their own existing core emotional and physical structure. They were not distracted by doubts or fears of not being good enough or making mistakes.

Pain arises from imbalance. Physical imbalance comes from structural or chemical deviations from optimum. One person’s source of pain is not the same as another’s, a debilitating deficit for me is not a source of dysfunction for you. Addressing them requires the use of all the escape room tools and resources available in your situation. The process of healing the imbalance must start from inside yourself, from identifying what it feels like. Physical suffering sometimes comes from the uncertainty and fear of not being able to articulate the nature, quality and parameters of the pain, not necessarily the dysfunction itself.

Emotional imbalance comes from social and relationship deviations from optimum. One person’s source of emotional pain is not the same as another’s, a debilitating toxicity for me may not be a source of dysfunction for you. The process of healing the imbalance must start from inside yourself, from identifying what it feels like. Emotional suffering sometimes comes from the uncertainty and fear of not being able to articulate the nature, quality and parameters of the pain, not necessarily the dysfunction itself.

Each of us is individual and unique. Sometimes we suffer because we are told we should, because another person experienced pain in a similar situation. Pain is subjective, it is in the mind, and can be used for growth.

All pain has purpose. No suffering does. Giving meaning and reason to pain alleviates suffering. Spending a Moment to investigate the pain with curiosity and acceptance will reveal to you the purpose. Embrace the pain, because at the moment it is your reality and all that is, is as it must be.

And, if you have been suffering…forgive yourself. That moment is over and a new one just beginning.

Hopeful Assumptions

We are constantly forced to make assumptions. We are in frequent interactions with others but don’t always receive all the information we need to understand their behaviour by which to choose an appropriate and effective response.

Every single one of us makes judgements, has a running commentary in the back of our minds, forming opinions about those influencing our lives at the moment. This is completely natural and necessary as a safety mechanism to prep us to respond to the moment. To cue us for action based on the circumstances since obviously our behaviour amongst hostile individuals will be drastically different than when surrounded by unknowns or by family.

And there’s where problems can arise.

No expectations, only boundaries. Don’t trust anyone so accept that they have the potential to hurt you. But hope for the best and love them anyway.

We assume familiar people are safe, unfamiliar people may not be, and hostile people are dangerous.

When it comes to emotional wounds, those closest to us have the greatest power to hurt us and our assumption of safety puts both sides in a position of expected behaviour which can set them up for failure. Especially if there is emotional dysfunction present making even common courtesy fly out the window in moments of distress.

No adult is responsible for another adult’s well being; as much as we’d all like to assume others will not intentionally hurt us we must accept that they will, given the right set of circumstances. Even the best of us has a breaking point. And no matter how well you think you know someone, no matter how close you think you are to them, you will likely never see how close they are to shattering.

We must have no expectations that anyone will be able to protect us from their sharp edges and broken pieces. But to be a part of society or an organization or a family, we must love them anyway and make ourselves safely vulnerable to them with our boundaries in place. Our trust in them gives them hope that they are trustworthy, a priceless gift which Synergy gives to us every day. Our boundaries give us hope and responsibility for our own safety.

Trust means having no expectations, only boundaries. A boundary is an escape plan if things go wrong. It is not an expectation of behaviour, it is a planned, intentional response to misbehaviour. ‘If she yells at me one more time, I am walking out the door.’ A boundary does not need to be announced, approved, or accepted by others, but advising the perpetrator of their violation and the consequence can be a part of a boundary before acting on the escape plan.

Forwarning is not recommended for emotional abusers because boundaries feel like control to them – boundaries are not control of an abuser, they are control of the victim and since abuse is frequently about control, to assert a boundary shifts control from abuser to abused thus does truly represent a loss of control, control they never should have taken. To notify them they are losing control can trigger worse behaviour.

Assume the worst in any situation, prepare your mind for the worst, accept that the worst might happen, and figure out exactly how trusting this person might harm you. No risk? Great. High risk? Then what are you willing to gamble? Every action you take, if purposeful and deliberate, will have minimal risk with maximum satisfaction, if you surrender to the reality that you alone – with Synergy’s support and guidance – are obligated to take care of yourself. You cannot trust anyone to have your back, but you can hope they do. Cover your back as much as you can, before you give them the gift of exposing it to them. Vulnerability is a treasure that, when shared, increases immeasurably.

Hopeful assumptions mean you respond to the best scenario by allowing situations to play out naturally, only acting if you must. Love them anyway, unless they actually DO trigger the boundary but since you prepared yourself for that you were not surprised.

And if the outcome IS the best, then you get to be pleasantly surprised that your trust and hope were rewarded. Either way, the outcome was meant to be.

Hopium

The quest for satisfaction is addictive because it is fuelled by hope. Don’t mistake this as searching for better although at times the two can be synonymous. Satisfaction can be found in familiarity whereas there may always be a perception that the unfamiliar is better.

Satisfaction is derived in limitless ways, as varied as the individuals experiencing the sensation. Some find deep satisfaction working with nature and exploring with hopeful curiosity the properties and principles of animals, plants, and the living world. Others take profound pleasure in the skillful operation of their body and perform feats of endurance, prowess, or strength. Yet another group delights in adventures of the mind, delving into the nature of the universe.

Satisfaction does not require external success, recognition or rewards and indeed those things are sometimes anathema to true contentment. A humble subsistence farmer may find everything needed for sincere joy without ever stepping foot off the property.

Hope is the driving force behind questing for satisfaction and is a symptom of discontent with the situation at a personal, local, or global level. Hope is a beautiful encouragement from Synergy that greater fulfillment is available and that she’s setting the table for you. The act of seeking is exciting and gratifying when on the right trail, and actually comes easily if attentive to the synchronicities and gifts left waiting to be discovered.

Satisfaction is an internal state of mind. Hope also. They are not mutually exclusive because you can be – in fact, you MUST be – satisfied with where you are before you will truly be able to see where you are next meant to be, if anywhere! Hoping for satisfaction without specifying what form it takes is a delightful exercise in curiosity and playfulness because you can be surprised each and every day by the gifts you receive exactly where you are.

Acceptance opens the door to satisfaction, as these two things are also not the same. Acceptance is a type of resignation, of recognition and ownership, while satisfaction is a sense of pleasurable well being.

Learn to be addicted to Hopium and you will find great things waiting for your open curious mind every single day.