The Negonavirus

Class: Negativity Infection

Treatment: Hopium, mindfulness, meditation, satisfaction, authenticity

Prognosis: dependent on the length of exposure, degree of systemic infiltration, amount of individual resistance and content of support arsenal. All victims of Negonavirus have the right and the desire for treatment but many are unaware they even carry the infection. Children under age 8 are entirely naturally immune but become increasingly susceptible to infection as they mature and by age 17 often are fully compromised by Negonavirus effects.

Symptoms: vary dependent upon individual and situational characteristics. May include but are not limited to behaviours of manipulation and control, gaslighting, condescension, arrogance, chronic victimhood, passive aggression, outright aggression, impulsivity, substance abuse, self harm, emotional abuse, and many other toxic patterns of interaction. Clusters of symptoms can sometimes be given a name for ease of diagnosis, such as narcissist, anti-social personality, borderline personality, or Karen, but even individual symptoms are indicative of mild infection and should receive treatment.

Diagnosis: based on behaviours of sufferers but also the impact of those behaviours on those around the victim of Negonavirus. It is invisible to the naked eye but can be felt by the mood in a room when a sufferer enters, and from tone and subtext in communication. Non verbal signs are often present.

Innoculation: infection can be prevented using the treatment methodology, but also through early intervention with children so they develop immunity prior to adulthood.

Highly contagious and can be passed through both direct personal contact and indirect interactions such as emails, texts, and one sided communication such as blogs. It is energy-born thus all human interactions potentially can facilitate transmission.

Stay tuned for further expansion on the signs, symptoms, therapeutic interventions and other details surrounding the Negonavirus pandemic which has gripped the world for more than 40 years.

The Culmination

Mindfulness and faith propose that every moment is exactly what was meant to be and that you should surrender yourself to each moment and accept the reality of it. From that acceptance, peace will flow, satisfaction will arise, and joy will blanket you.

But if we follow that philosophy outwards from our limited perspective as an individual, we must also accept and embrace ALL circumstances as having purpose, as being necessary, as part of our requisite circumstances to grow as human beings or the human race.

Mindfulness and faith espouse not judging what is, simply acknowledging what is and reflecting on how that reality influences your satisfaction with the moment and how in turn this moment can be influenced by you.

So, to truly and completely embrace this concept, we must embrace and accept what is present in the world. Without judgement or fear or thought or emotion. And act only upon what we can do in this instant, in this immediate environment, with the tools present and available to us. To do anything else is to leave the moment.

An example is to see the conditions of 2020 without emotional trauma. Yes, the conditions have victimized many and are not peaceful, pleasant nor desirable. But feeling victimized, traumatized, or devastated does not change the circumstances of this moment. Judging any of the political, social, environmental or biological circumstances of 2020 does not make this moment better.

Today’s world is the outcome of cumulative events. Although the impacts of these events are profound and far reaching, which can be overwhelming to consider, the most important focus is here and now. The causes of our situation are irrelevant in this moment, but awareness of the imbalances that led here may be important for you.

Or not.

You are exactly where you need to be. Regardless of how you got here or where you are, you also have everything you need to get where you want to be.

Look around you. What do you need TODAY? What is essential to your survival in this moment and what action can you take today to obtain it. Not future actions or future goals. Here and now is all that counts and is perfect to take you into your next moment.

Our decisions and the impact of the decisions of others creates our situation. But Synergy puts in front of us the tools to change our situation and opportunities to do so if we are patient, present, and persistent.

She’ll be with you in a Moment if you quietly wait, watch and believe.

Manufacturing Gratitude

It’s ok not to be grateful. Especially for something you never asked for. Especially when you do not feel grateful. Especially if someone is telling you to be grateful.

Shame on them.

Gratitude is an emotion. Emotions happen when they happen, not when you tell yourself to feel them. You are sad when sad, glad when glad and mad when mad. Emotions simply are. A product of the material world, they are a sensory response to the current social environment. You can’t tell your fingers to feel warm in a snow storm. You can’t tell your face not to feel hot in the sun.

Why do you think you can tell your feelings to experience gratitude?

Gratitude bubbles up from inside you when conditions feel balanced and satisfactory…TO YOU. Your personal definition of balance or satisfaction may be wildly different than someone else’s, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with your perspective. Being told you should be grateful is being treated with contempt. It is telling you to judge yourself and your feelings, and find yourself guilty.

Beware giving yourself that same message! When you ponder your feelings and determine you shouldn’t have them, you are being unfair to yourself. Try telling your hand not to feel the burner under your palm. Same task, but because we fail to recognize our intangible emotions as an extension of our nervous system, we treat them like a part of our soul.

Emotions are information. Not actions nor facts.

Gratitude is a breathtakingly glorious emotion and it’s understandable those experiencing it want you to feel it too. Fake it til you make it, practice gratitude, choose thankfulness. Great ideas, but missing the point.

Manufacturing a facade of an emotion does generate pathways of practiced nerve patterns. Acting out routines does create habits. This much is true. But the emotion of gratitude is spontaneous and joyful, not habitualized and mechanical.

Funny thing, when it wells out of you, you realize it doesn’t want to follow those practices, routines and habits! Gratitude wants to playfully take you out of your comfort zone into your curiosity. It drives you to tears with its intensity but not to acts of creating lists.

You are grateful, or you are not. There is no try. And that’s just fine.

Dissatisfaction is a sign you are ready to grow. No matter how well-appointed the nursery might be, every child reaches the stage of needing to experience more, explore more, discover more. Gratitude and satisfaction go hand in hand, with imbalance chasing both of them away.

What imbalance exists that is pressuring for change? Curiosity demands an exploration when gratitude is nowhere to be found in a situation. And in the Moment when the source of imbalance is revealed, appreciation will flow through your veins because suddenly the game is afoot and your journey will begin!

So embrace a lack of gratitude as being the summons to the post, where you are to begin a steeplechase toward a higher level of understanding yourself. From discomfort comes growth and after growth comes gratitude!

Emotional Epilepsy

Epilepsy is a diagnosable condition with measurable symptoms, predictable triggers, and consistent patterns of behaviour. The condition arises from a systemic imbalance. Someone experiencing seizures loses control of themselves and can be dangerous to themselves and others. Treatments are available for many symptoms but the afflicted individual must choose to seek diagnostics, medical intervention, and support.

Emotional dysfunctions are diagnosable conditions with measurable symptoms, predictable triggers, and consistent patterns of behaviour. The condition arises from a systemic imbalance. Someone experiencing an emotional dysfunctional episode, an emotional seizure, loses control of themselves and can be dangerous to themselves and others. Treatments are available for many symptoms but the afflicted must choose to seek diagnostics, medical intervention, and support.

During a seizure, the person with epilepsy may involuntarily strike out at their surroundings, may become blind to dangers, may not be able to consciously safeguard themselves or others. If they were to injure a loved one during an uncontrolled seizure they would likely feel intense guilt and shame at the damage they did. Their loved one would not blame them for the behaviours whilst out of control of their body, yet would hold them accountable for seeking treatment, for creating effective coping strategies, for learning how to manage their outbursts in order to make the relationship safer for both of them. No expectations, only boundaries. If epilepsy goes unmanaged, the support person would be in constant risk.

During an emotional seizure, the person with emotional dysregulation may involuntarily strike out at their surroundings, may become blind to dangers, may not be able to consciously safeguard themselves or others. If they were to injure a loved one during an uncontrolled episode they would likely feel intense guilt and shame at the damage they did.

But that’s where the similarity tends to end, which is why mental illness so often grows, and passes on to another generation, accumulating shame, blame, and guilt with each new seizure.

Mental illness is painful for all who endure it as sufferers, victims, and witnesses. Just like epilepsy. But unlike epilepsy, it gets mistaken for a choice, judged as a lifestyle, and dismissed as unworthy of compassion or empathy. Yet like epilepsy, compassion, empathy and support constitute part of the treatment and are central to managing symptoms.

To support someone through epileptic seizures, you cannot pick and choose which symptoms are epileptic and which are not. You accept the whole and forgive what happens during a seizure, if you choose to interact with the person who is potentially unsafe for you because of their illness. To do otherwise is to judge and that puts imbalance between you. Better to keep boundaries between, not scales, and accept completely or let it be. Only you know if the relationship is worth the risk to your safety. No outsider can tell you that although they may try.

To support someone through emotional seizures, you cannot pick and choose which symptoms are choices and which are illness. You accept the whole and forgive what happens during a seizure, if you choose to interact with the person who is potentially unsafe for you because of their illness. To do otherwise is to judge and that puts imbalance between you. Better to keep boundaries between you, not scales, and accept completely or let it be. Only you will know if the relationship is worth the risk to your safety. No outsider can tell you although they might try.

Understanding epilepsy does not mean excusing the dangers of it or absolving people of the responsibility to manage it. But an informed perspective allows preparation for making a choice when a Moment of decision – stay or go – presents itself. Understanding is the foundation for compassion. Knowledge dispels fear and eases trauma. The wise mind guides decisions once the emotional and judgemental brains quiet down.

Understanding emotional dysfunctions does not mean excusing the dangers or absolving people of the responsibility to manage it. But an informed perspective allows preparation for making a choice when a Moment of decision- stay or go – presents itself. Understanding is the foundation for compassion. Knowledge dispels fear and eases trauma. The wise mind guides decisions once the emotional and judgemental brains quiet down.

Emotional abuse is not ok. But it is understandable. It has patterns, predictable triggers, and treatable behaviours. Hope for stability is what keeps people in abusive situations and hope is a precious, powerful force. To judge either party for having hope is to create greater imbalance while acceptance adds more hope and a sense of a safety net.

Mixed Messages

The exhausting thing about compassion is the ongoing need to dispel confusion arising from people’s misinterpretation of compassion, acceptance and living with only boundaries, not expectations.

Receivers of unconditional compassion can easily mistake it for passion if the sexual alignment fits their orientation. In our society authentic acceptance and profound connection are often only found with romantic partners thus the sensation of acceptance feels like the sensation of romantic love. The incredible joy and gratitude of a Moment’s interaction is confused with the delight and excitement of infatuation.

This is why some people seek romantic love on a regular schedule. Because it truly does feel, in its first blush, the same as enlightenment and stability and satisfaction and joy and hope and gratitude. But with romance, those sensations are derived from an external source and driven by expectations and fantasies. Compassion is a necessary part of true romance but romance is not a necessary part of compassion.

Those individuals with poor understanding of boundaries mistake the openness of acceptance as a merging of souls when in fact souls are not meant to merge, only to bond while retaining independence. When they feel the visceral validation of being seen as enough, as wonderful and complete even in their imbalance and dissatisfaction, they construe it as something they have obtained meanwhile compassion is a generous gift given, not taken, and can only be provided from the safety of boundaries. To accept someone is the ultimate in compassion.

This is why some seek caregiving support on a regular schedule, getting a dose of validation and acceptance which feels, at first blush, like enlightenment but again the sensation is derived from an external source. Compassion is a necessary part of caregiving but caregiving is not necessarily a part of compassion.

Compassion is the ability to offer someone support in their distress in a way that elevates them without cost to them and without gain to the benefactor. Because we are so used to paying a price or receiving payment, it is very uncomfortable for some to receive compassion, as they seek the hidden price tag. Yet others accept compassion expecting strings that they like to pull.

Compassion is an expression of unconditional love but we are conditioned to have bows and ribbons attached to love. Or at least, sexy lingerie. Clearing out the mixed messages so love is not confused with romance or transactions will create a culture of compassion.

Schrodinging Everything

Hedge your bets and prepare for all eventualities with the hopes that things will come out hopping when Synergy finally presents the opportunity to open the darn box.

Greeting every day with curiosity, hope and acceptance means being ready for anything in any Moment. Being receptive to whatever springs up on you means you’ll never be disappointed with the chances you didn’t take, the opportunities you didn’t seize or the Moments you missed.

Assume all possibilities are open to you until the moment you know the truth.

This includes options you may perceive as negative. Don’t rule out failure or hurdles…in fact, count on them thus they won’t devastate you. Have Plan A, Plan B, in fact prepare the entire alphabet just in case. The more you understand the parameters and possible outcomes for every decision you face, the stronger your position for satisfaction in a perhaps unexpected form.

We don’t know what is best for ourselves. We don’t know what we need. We often don’t know who we even are, so how can we be certain what is in our best interests?

Synergy knows. But it’s up to us to accept her wisdom and be receptive to her gentle guidance. We blind ourselves with our thoughts and feelings, setting our hearts on things that were never meant to be, because we are trapped in our past or dreaming of our future.

Obstacles, barriers and disappointments are merely rungs on the ladder ascending toward enlightenment and true understanding of self, others, and the universe. Our purpose is to discover our purpose, which can’t be chosen, can’t be predicted, only unveiled.

Every decision has a Moment for making it. Not talking about it. Not planning it. Not dreaming about it. Those are not decisions, those are efforts. Until the Moment of Truth, efforts encompassing all possible outcomes yield the best return on Synergy’s investment in us. So, Schrodinger’s cat is both alive and dead, treat it as such until time to open the box!

Having Faith

You either have faith, or you do not, in any given moment. It is hard to sustain faith, whether in Synergy, the universe, God or gods, and everyone experiences moments of doubt. Being alive is hard. Interacting with people is exhausting. Experiencing the world can be traumatic. Holding on to faith when it seems there is no purpose or reason for so much apparently senseless pain seems a monumental task.

Faith is the belief in the framework upon which you rest your faith. That framework exists independently of you and indeed independently of human thought at all if you truly believe in the system you subscribe to! Your belief in it does not create it, merely connects you consciously to it. Since it is independent of you, it’ll still be waiting there for you to come to roost when you’ve finished questioning your beliefs.

There are commonalities between many of the frameworks across millennia and geography. This increases the probability that at least one of those frameworks approximates the reality.

Eternal life is certainly a recurring theme.

At least one omnipotent being tends to be central.

Macrocosm reflects microcosm – the god(s) are human-like in behaviour and appearance – is another tenet.

Falliability seems to be common in spite of omniscience.

Either the majority of people on the planet are delusional, or there is someone watching over us! There is great comfort to be found in the idea of surrendering to a higher power, to relinquishing control and responsibility and resting like a child come home to a good mother for a respite. Even good mothers make mistakes and cause harm, but we have to trust that reparation will be offered, restoration will happen, and nurturing will resume.

No matter which framework you embrace, holding on is hard in times like these but hold on we must.

Pain and Suffering

Pain is part of the price of admission for living, for growing character and resilience. Suffering is voluntary and arises from resistance to the reality that people will disappoint your expectations, goals will fail to fulfill you, and you will let yourself down when you turn out not to be who you believed you were.

No expectations, only boundaries. Even for your own mind and body. Surrender your self-expectations, too, allowing instead discovery of your purpose. That is how to avoid suffering.

Physical and emotional pain only interfere with life if we allow them to. We hear stories about mind over matter and admire feats of courage where someone overcomes great discomfort in moments of crisis. Are those people different? Do they have a gift?

No, they were present in the Moment and received strength and tools to escape the situation using their own existing core emotional and physical structure. They were not distracted by doubts or fears of not being good enough or making mistakes.

Pain arises from imbalance. Physical imbalance comes from structural or chemical deviations from optimum. One person’s source of pain is not the same as another’s, a debilitating deficit for me is not a source of dysfunction for you. Addressing them requires the use of all the escape room tools and resources available in your situation. The process of healing the imbalance must start from inside yourself, from identifying what it feels like. Physical suffering sometimes comes from the uncertainty and fear of not being able to articulate the nature, quality and parameters of the pain, not necessarily the dysfunction itself.

Emotional imbalance comes from social and relationship deviations from optimum. One person’s source of emotional pain is not the same as another’s, a debilitating toxicity for me may not be a source of dysfunction for you. The process of healing the imbalance must start from inside yourself, from identifying what it feels like. Emotional suffering sometimes comes from the uncertainty and fear of not being able to articulate the nature, quality and parameters of the pain, not necessarily the dysfunction itself.

Each of us is individual and unique. Sometimes we suffer because we are told we should, because another person experienced pain in a similar situation. Pain is subjective, it is in the mind, and can be used for growth.

All pain has purpose. No suffering does. Giving meaning and reason to pain alleviates suffering. Spending a Moment to investigate the pain with curiosity and acceptance will reveal to you the purpose. Embrace the pain, because at the moment it is your reality and all that is, is as it must be.

And, if you have been suffering…forgive yourself. That moment is over and a new one just beginning.

Hopeful Assumptions

We are constantly forced to make assumptions. We are in frequent interactions with others but don’t always receive all the information we need to understand their behaviour by which to choose an appropriate and effective response.

Every single one of us makes judgements, has a running commentary in the back of our minds, forming opinions about those influencing our lives at the moment. This is completely natural and necessary as a safety mechanism to prep us to respond to the moment. To cue us for action based on the circumstances since obviously our behaviour amongst hostile individuals will be drastically different than when surrounded by unknowns or by family.

And there’s where problems can arise.

No expectations, only boundaries. Don’t trust anyone so accept that they have the potential to hurt you. But hope for the best and love them anyway.

We assume familiar people are safe, unfamiliar people may not be, and hostile people are dangerous.

When it comes to emotional wounds, those closest to us have the greatest power to hurt us and our assumption of safety puts both sides in a position of expected behaviour which can set them up for failure. Especially if there is emotional dysfunction present making even common courtesy fly out the window in moments of distress.

No adult is responsible for another adult’s well being; as much as we’d all like to assume others will not intentionally hurt us we must accept that they will, given the right set of circumstances. Even the best of us has a breaking point. And no matter how well you think you know someone, no matter how close you think you are to them, you will likely never see how close they are to shattering.

We must have no expectations that anyone will be able to protect us from their sharp edges and broken pieces. But to be a part of society or an organization or a family, we must love them anyway and make ourselves safely vulnerable to them with our boundaries in place. Our trust in them gives them hope that they are trustworthy, a priceless gift which Synergy gives to us every day. Our boundaries give us hope and responsibility for our own safety.

Trust means having no expectations, only boundaries. A boundary is an escape plan if things go wrong. It is not an expectation of behaviour, it is a planned, intentional response to misbehaviour. ‘If she yells at me one more time, I am walking out the door.’ A boundary does not need to be announced, approved, or accepted by others, but advising the perpetrator of their violation and the consequence can be a part of a boundary before acting on the escape plan.

Forwarning is not recommended for emotional abusers because boundaries feel like control to them – boundaries are not control of an abuser, they are control of the victim and since abuse is frequently about control, to assert a boundary shifts control from abuser to abused thus does truly represent a loss of control, control they never should have taken. To notify them they are losing control can trigger worse behaviour.

Assume the worst in any situation, prepare your mind for the worst, accept that the worst might happen, and figure out exactly how trusting this person might harm you. No risk? Great. High risk? Then what are you willing to gamble? Every action you take, if purposeful and deliberate, will have minimal risk with maximum satisfaction, if you surrender to the reality that you alone – with Synergy’s support and guidance – are obligated to take care of yourself. You cannot trust anyone to have your back, but you can hope they do. Cover your back as much as you can, before you give them the gift of exposing it to them. Vulnerability is a treasure that, when shared, increases immeasurably.

Hopeful assumptions mean you respond to the best scenario by allowing situations to play out naturally, only acting if you must. Love them anyway, unless they actually DO trigger the boundary but since you prepared yourself for that you were not surprised.

And if the outcome IS the best, then you get to be pleasantly surprised that your trust and hope were rewarded. Either way, the outcome was meant to be.

Hopium

The quest for satisfaction is addictive because it is fuelled by hope. Don’t mistake this as searching for better although at times the two can be synonymous. Satisfaction can be found in familiarity whereas there may always be a perception that the unfamiliar is better.

Satisfaction is derived in limitless ways, as varied as the individuals experiencing the sensation. Some find deep satisfaction working with nature and exploring with hopeful curiosity the properties and principles of animals, plants, and the living world. Others take profound pleasure in the skillful operation of their body and perform feats of endurance, prowess, or strength. Yet another group delights in adventures of the mind, delving into the nature of the universe.

Satisfaction does not require external success, recognition or rewards and indeed those things are sometimes anathema to true contentment. A humble subsistence farmer may find everything needed for sincere joy without ever stepping foot off the property.

Hope is the driving force behind questing for satisfaction and is a symptom of discontent with the situation at a personal, local, or global level. Hope is a beautiful encouragement from Synergy that greater fulfillment is available and that she’s setting the table for you. The act of seeking is exciting and gratifying when on the right trail, and actually comes easily if attentive to the synchronicities and gifts left waiting to be discovered.

Satisfaction is an internal state of mind. Hope also. They are not mutually exclusive because you can be – in fact, you MUST be – satisfied with where you are before you will truly be able to see where you are next meant to be, if anywhere! Hoping for satisfaction without specifying what form it takes is a delightful exercise in curiosity and playfulness because you can be surprised each and every day by the gifts you receive exactly where you are.

Acceptance opens the door to satisfaction, as these two things are also not the same. Acceptance is a type of resignation, of recognition and ownership, while satisfaction is a sense of pleasurable well being.

Learn to be addicted to Hopium and you will find great things waiting for your open curious mind every single day.